Road Warrior

Well we successfully made our first car trip to Iowa this last weekend-more about that in a moment.
First things first-she had her 2 month appointment yesterday which was quite traumatic for us. It was the fateful vaccination day. She was double teamed by the nurses-one on each leg in order to give 2 shots at the same time. I was standing next to her with my hand on her but couldn't look. When they were done, I looked at her face and it crumpled, turned bright red and out came a cry that I have never heard before. After the initial cry, her mouth was wide open but she couldn't breath in. The nurse told me to blow on her to get her to breath in- AWFUL I tell you! I asked if I could stay in the exam room to nurse her and they let me. It calmed her down for the time being. We brought her home and she seemed fine-I left her with Chris around 5:30 to go to a kickboxing class. When I returned at 7:30 the downstairs was completely dark. I took in the evidence: the bottle I left was empty, her medicines were side by side on a tray in the den (mylicon and Zantac), there was a broken glass on the kitchen floor. I went upstairs and found Chris and baby in her nursery on the couch. She was peaceful and sleeping on his shoulder but Chris had this battered look about him. Apparently she started crying hysterically as soon as I left and never stopped. We tried to put her down in the crib but she started crying in her sleep. I tried to nurse her but was crying while trying to eat- she has never done that before- nursing has always calmed her down. We eventually got to the point where she was sleeping and only waking every 20 min or so with a cry and then going back to sleep. We called the doctor at 10:00pm and she confirmed it was most likely the shots. She suggested Tylenol so Chris was sent out to a 24 hour Walgreens. It seemed to work! She is fine now but WOW that was awful.
Here are her stats: Weight- 11.4 oz!!!
Length- 22.5 in (I think, I need to confirm)- bottom line- she is thriving!
I brought up my poop concern with the doc and she recently read an article that basically said- TREAT THE INFANT, NOT THE POOP. With that said, she is healthy so I could care less what color her poop is.

Back to the trip to Iowa...She was perfect! She slept most of drive there and back. We only stopped 1 time at the DeKalb Oasis to feed her and change her. She got to meet Gobbie (Chris' grandmother) Frank and Beth (Chris' Brother and sister in Law) and her cousins. She hardly fussed all weekend- a real trooper. It was kind of a pain being out of our routine for me though. Hotel room living, especially a Comfort Inn that has gone downhill, sucks. I didn't want her touching the bedspread or blanket because I am so creeped out by hotel linens- thanks a lot Dateline NBC.
Oskaloosa, IA is, however, the place of the purchase of her first stuffed animal that we have creatively named Lambie (as he is a Lamb). I hope she is as good when we fly to New Mexico next month!

POOP!

Arrrgh- green slimy poo again!
I will ask the doctor on Monday about it.
We are going to Iowa to see Chris' Grandmother and Brother (and family). We leave on Friday morning.
Should be an interesting trek in the car...
Will post after the journey- stay tuned!

Status Quo

Not really much to report because everything is going great.
We are getting out quite a bit to meet other moms/babies for lunches. We also made a 90 minute trek out to a party this last weekend. She was really well behaved and actually was content in her new Weego carrier. She slept the entire party but we did have one issue to contend with... people touching her without asking or washing their hands. Maybe I am being overly protective but I don't want strangers who have been outside all afternoon eating and drinking coming up and touching her head. I appreciate that they think she is beautiful and want to admire her but we ended up in the bathtub at 10:30pm washing cigarette stink off her noggin. How do you politely tell people to keep hands off?

She is also loving her swing finally- she hated it at first but now it is a guaranteed sleep inducer- plus it plays classical music that actually sounds pretty decent...she will be a well rested, cultured baby. She really is starting to notice objects like the bear mobile above the swing. She stared at them until she fell asleep.

The GERD is under control but not totally gone- it is manageable though. Nursing is almost perfect (who woulda thought that was possible).
Poop is great though she grunts like a grown man when she is trying to go!

We are gearing up to travel to Santa Fe next month and to get back to work. I have to say that I am not ready to return to work. That is all I will say at this point b/c I don't want to think too much about it right now but I need to get on the ball and figure out what we are doing for childcare!

This entire experience is so wonderful- I am so IN LOVE with my baby it is truly inexplicable (except to other moms who smell what i'm cookin'!)

Baby Horoscopes: Find out what the stars say about your little one!

Many people believe that the astrological sign your baby is born under can influence her personality, interests, talents, and who she'll best develop relationships with later in life. Here's the inside scoop on what to expect, with a little

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growing...

Quick weight update-
9lbs 8oz
She gained 6 oz from last monday after only gaining 1 oz the week before. I personally suspect the original weigh in of 9.1 was incorrect...
Also, she is losing her soft, silky hair in the front...looks more like her daddy everyday;)

new update: first true smile in response to me- just now!

Hooray

Well it looks like the Zantac is kicking in. She is a lot less miserable than she has been. We both slept until 8:30 this morning! That was after a marathon feeding at about 1:30- Now that I can nurse without so much drama, I have learned to "nap nurse" her lying down. It is great b/c we can both just lie in the dark while she nurses. She ate voraciously for 45 min and then sort of slept and nursed for another 15-20 more. I can't believe how much she slept after that. I actually had to wake her to take her meds and eat again. She needed the sleep because she has not been napping during the day- she is sound asleep on me right now. She is a very attached baby. She does not like to be alone at all-not sure if that is inherant in her personality or a creation of mine.

Poop Scoop: It has been a great seedy yellow but this morning it was a slimy green which indicates a food allergy. I am going to cut out dairy right away just to see if it is a cow's milk allergy. The milk in coffee and cereal can easily be replaced with soy or rice milk- I will miss my cheese though- I eat cheese and crackers daily...

Now that she isn't s fussy, we can do a little tummy time- see video... (amateur at best- taken with my camera as a trial run to see how video looked)

Zantac

Well she has been taking Zantac for 3 days now and I think the medication is finally working! She is pretty much on a daily regimen of Zantac and Milicon right now- thank god for meds! She still is not sleeping much during the day though (and night)- she is so tired but can't let go. I can get her to fall asleep but she easily wakes up and then is fussy- this could all be from the GERD though so we will see...I also have the fear that maybe she isn't getting enough to eat so I feel we are constantly nursing- she only gained 1 oz last week. The doc isn't concerned though but we do have a weigh in next week just to be sure.
She is starting grasp things now- she grabbed my fingers in each fist and wouldn't let go. She also grabs my hair when I am carrying her and won't let go.
I am starting to see the signs of baby acne on her beautiful skin- I know it is totally normal and I promise I won't mess with it but I hate to see her perfect complexion with red marks!
So, all in all it has been a very challenging week but nothing we can't handle!
Pictures to follow soon I promise!

GERD

Well it looks like she has GERD (acid reflux). This is so hard. I can hardly stand to watch her suffer like she is. There is really nothing you can do other than keep her upright and angle her mattress for sleeping. They rarely medicate babies for GERD though Chris seems to want her medicated. He is less patient with her crying. It really is one of the most difficult things to deal with but for me it is because I just can't stand her suffering- it truly is heart breaking.
I understand that she will outgrow it but until then there is little we can do except modifications of feeding and sleeping positions.

Happy 1 Month Birthday!

To celebrate, we have finally pooped- 3 times in the last 3 hours- yeah! By we I mean Liliana- though I share a lot of info on this blog I am not sharing my personal bathroom habits...
Formula sucks- I hate it and it makes her miserable- gas and constipation.
She is back to nursing as I am feeling much better and so is she!

One milestone I noticed is she looks AT me more than beyond me. She still seems more enamored with the corner of a wall or the ceiling fan but at times she will stare at my face-

We will celebrate her 1 month on this earth this evening- pictures to come...

A Particularly Difficult Time

The last couple of days have been tough for me. To preface, imagine all that is going on is while I am topless. This is per doctor's recommendation. I am not healing at all but I have not helped matters any by wearing nursing tanks with gauze and ointment. I have created a warm, dark, moist environment- perfect for cultivating yeast cultures! Too bad I am not an 8th grade science experiment. I am so frustrated with myself b/c I feel I have made null and void the last 2 weeks of twice daily pill popping. So, I sit here for the 2nd day straight trying to air out but I don't think it is working. I am still in so much pain and now there is nothing there to protect me from the pain when I try and hold Liliana close...and boy she has needed to be held A LOT lately.
She is suffering from bad gas and not frequent pooping. She used to poop several times daily and yesterday she went only once. She has yet to go today. I suspect, as I mentioned yesterday, it is from the formula. The pain from the gas is also preventing her from sleeping. I will feed her, she will fall asleep and minutes later she wakes up screaming in pain. She is easily consolable but it cycles like this constantly. I am trying everything to help her pass gas- I finally sent Chris out to get Mylicon which helped her a little (a couple of little toots) but I have yet to see a poop. I am afraid when it finally does come it will be an explosion like yesterday- it was EVERYWHERE!
I am doing all I can to not give her formula which means I am basically tied to the pump. I have also started nursing her on the less damaged side which is working out okay except now I don't know how much she is consuming! I think I got a little spoiled with the bottles b/c I know for certain that she just ate 4oz and that I wasn't denying her. Now, she can be at the breast for 30 min, fall asleep, wake up and show major hunger cues and I don't know what they are all about! Is she really still hungry or just needing to suck? I know I nursed exclusively for 3 weeks and didn't have this concern but now it has entered my world and it is stressing me out.

So here I sit, topless, in the den, which is the only room downstairs with window treatments. This is where I have been for the last 36 hours with the exception of sleep time. I have Liliana on my lap briefly sleeping and I am typing off to the side. My pump is in arms reach to the other side. The cleaning lady just left and I am eyeing a nugget of something on the otherwise clean kitchen floor. I suspect it is a poop- a solid poop left by the cat that hasn't pooped anything solid in the last 3 years. Seriously! My poor little baby is struggling to poop and here goes the cat- leaving a perfectly formed poop in my site line- cruel and, possibly, an example of irony- not quite sure though-that word is never used correctly.
As Liliana stiffens her legs from the pain, she, without fail, kicks me right at her food source- I am in SO MUCH PAIN- I want it to go away NOW.
I must say though that my resolve to breastfeed this child is strong- I am not giving in- I didn't realize how passionate I would feel about this but I am surprising myself!
The other thing that surprises me is my complete lack of frustration with the baby. I feel only empathy for her and I don't feel angry or annoyed-I just want to hold her close and make her feel better- what frustrates me is that I can't do that easily b/c of the pain.
When she is trying particularly hard to poop she looks like a cross between Robert DeNiro and Steven VanZandt's character on the Sopranos.
In any case-this is today-tomorrow will be another experience- all are memorable and all are absolutely worth it.

4 Weeks Old!

I can't believe it has been 4 weeks.
Everything is going so fast.
Liliana weighed in at a healthy 9lbs 1 Oz yesterday! She is doing great on a combination of formula and pumped milk- this is the route I am taking now b/c I am still not healing well.
The green poop I mentioned before was a result of ingesting blood during feedings. This is my own diagnosis. She was spitting up a lot of blood so I stopped nursing. The result was beautiful (if you want to call it that) yellow poop! I am very frustrated with the fact that I am not healing. I am at the point now where I am beginning to accept that fact that I probably won't be able to nurse but now I am worried that I won't get rid of this infection or pain!
I have 2 more months of maternity leave and I am already sad about leaving her when I return to work! I don't know how people do it after 6 weeks- it is simply not enough time.
I am starting to get a little house crazy and am looking to get out of the house more and connect with other people.
Chris and I took Liliana to the Oaktoberfest on Saturday- there were a lot of people there with very young babies. It felt good to be out of the house socializing!
I also have plans on Thursday to meet someone that I met through a friend on facebook. She is also from Santa Fe, lives in Chicago and has a new baby. I am looking forward to chatting with another new mom!
Liliana still continues to have a great demeanor. She is generally easy to sooth when upset. Lately though she has been more fussy. I attribute this to formula. She has a little more tummy issues with the formula but once she gets through that she is completely calm again- you can tell that she just wants to poop! Breastmilk apparently is a natural laxative so she has less issues when nursing or drinking more pumped milk (I can only pump so much though and must supplement with formula).

I have booked our tickets to Santa Fe for Thanksgiving and am looking forward to the trip but am trying to figure out the logistics of the travel. I didn't realize how complicated it was- do we send our extra car seat base to Santa Fe? What do we do with the car seat/carrier- do they check it below the airplane with the stroller? Do I trust that- what if it gets damaged and then is unsafe? Do we have to drive to the airport and park the car? I will figure it all out but if anyone has suggestions I am open to them- I know people travel with infants all the time!

Paranoid first time Mom

Now that the focus has shifted a bit off my own pain and issues, I am transferring concern and worry onto Liliana- why does her poop suddenly resemble pesto and is no longer that perfect yellow color it is supposed to be? Why is she fussier than she was last week? Why did she projectile vomit about 6 oz of milk right into my face while we were lying in bed only inches apart? (think exorcist). I run to the internet, to my "baby bible" or the phone to get answers to these questions. They range anywhere from- totally normal, no need to be concerned or sounds like food allergies to could be cause for concern- call your doctor. So far I am remaining calm and am waiting for our appointment on Monday to confirm all is okay. She doesn't have a fever and seems to be eating plenty. In fact, I suspect the projectile incident was a result from over feeding. I am learning not to mis-read her hunger cues. Sometimes she does the fist in the mouth even after a very long feeding when all she really wants to do is suck on a finger to sooth her. Before, I was either nursing her again or giving her pumped milk from a bottle. The night she went Linda Blair on me she had nursed 2 times for 30 min each AND had 4oz from a bottle b/c she kept acting hungry and was crying A LOT. I think we made matters worse b/c her tummy was probably too full. As we get to know eachother better, I realize that she just needs to be soothed so a finger in her mouth to suck on works wonders!
Hopefully next Monday will reveal that all is okay, green poop is green poop and not a sign of my milk being "imbalanced", that she is gaining weight and is all around healthy as I suspect she is...

So I have heard

Alright, I have been told by more than one person that my blog entries are TMI (for a brother) and kind of a turn off- talk about the baby already!
Point taken- sorry, I guess I didn't realize people were actually reading this so thanks!

Update

The lactation consultant doesn't really know what is going on b/c I am doing everything right yet Liliana is doing something funky with her tongue when latching on- this is new- she hasn't always done this...
On a different note though, I have yeast infection of the breasts! This is what is causing so much pain but I am on a 2 week Diflucan regimen and already feel the difference.

Now about the baby (I feel bad that I want to write about her but it always comes back to my boobies!) She seems amazingly alert and interactive for a 2 week old- she frequently has her eyes open and is taking in whatever it is she can see at this point. We also swear she is smiling and it isn't gas!!
She seems happiest when just in a diaper and I have learned that she LOVES being carried in a sling- I think it mimics the womb very well- now she can nap and I can do laundry at the same time!

She had been sleeping part or all of the nights in bed with us as I was so exhausted by nighttime that after nursing I just plopped her down next to me. She seems to sleep very well nuzzled next to me but I know that so many people think this is a no no and could be harmful etc..It just feels so nice. Anyway, we did put her down in her crib last night and she slept there the whole night.

She is such a sweaky, wonderful little thing- Chris and I say more than once a day how lucky we are...

What a Love!

I am amazed at the love that is developing for little Liliana.
It is just so intense- I can stare at her face forever.
My mom was in town this last week and helped out a lot- I am on my own now but feel I have a pretty good routine down and am finally feeling better (not achy and fluey like before) so I actually have energy and desire to do chores around the house! Now I just have to put the baby down so I can get it done! She just loves to sleep on me though and wakes every time I put her in the bassinet or crib.
I have the lactation consultant coming back today because I am still having trouble with the latching and am re-damaging myself! It is so unbelievably frustrating- I can't figure out what I am doing wrong- I feel like I am doing everything correctly yet it comes out all wrong- I just don't know what to do to fix it- I really hope this follow up visit will help- this situation is tainting what otherwise would be the most blissful experience. Don't get me wrong, it is truly fantastic but getting sweaty palms every time I have to feed her because I am anticipating excruciating pain and knowing I am reversing the healing process truly just sucks.
All that aside, we are so in awe...

More nursing woes-but I am on the mend

I originally was going to post this entry with details about all the trouble I have been having but I am in a much better place right now so in a nutshell: Was in so much pain that I simply couldn't imagine latching on one more time, I tried to pump but yielded hardly any milk. I simply broke down crying in the middle of the night feeling like a horrible mother who wasn't able to provide for her baby the way she wanted to. I reluctantly, very reluctantly, allowed my mom to give her a bottle of formula on Thursday morning just so she had food intake. It was a very rainy day on Thursday and I literally sat all day pumping as much milk as I could so i could keep my supply up and have milk for Liliana. Well, I had a lactation consultant come in yesterday (Friday) and we worked through things. Between fine tuning the actual feedings and getting the name of prescription cream to help me heal, I am on the mend. I feel so much better and the feedings are going great. She gained 6oz from Tuesday to Friday.
Word of advice for any future first time moms. DO NOT leave the hospital without proper instructions from a lactation consultant if you are experiencing ANY PAIN. It is not right and it should not hurt. I feel very frustrated and let down by Prentice Hospital b/c I feel I was given poor guidance and information. I can't tell you how many people I told about the pain and the soreness which turned to bleeding while I was there. They all told me it would heal on its own blah blah blah...
Onto other things, it has been such a whirlwind here. I have lost complete track of time but it is great. Liliana still continues to be unbelievably well behaved and is getting more alert and active by the minute! I have added new pictures to the slideshow of All Things Liliana and will continue to do so until I run out of space so check the Picassa sight periodically if you are interested.
Mom has been a great help and Chris continues to amaze me with what he is doing. He is cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and just being all around fantastic.

TMI but I must share...

I mentioned before how much I love nursing-I do and I don't want to give it up for anything-Here is an example of how passionate, or crazy, I am. Please share with me if any of you out there have had an experience like this because I am kind of freaked out...
So I have sore nipples. Not just sore, but cracked, bleeding, so incredible painful that it is miserable (I did title this entry as TMI so don' t say I didn't warn you).
Liliana and I are a great team when it comes to nursing. She has a great latch and I am perfecting several holds: the football, the side lying and the cross cradle. It has become quite easy but it hasn't always been that way...The first couple of days were difficult and we didn't have the latch quite right hence, the state my nipples are currently in...( I have decided to not be shy about sharing information like this- it is part of the experience that I want to keep real and true)
So last night right after her bath and minutes before we had my neighbors and my dad's friend over for dinner I went to get Liliana dressed. She was just kickin' it in her crib checking out her surroundings and making cute little noises. She turned her head made a little cough and out came coagulated milk mixed with blood and a bloody piece of tissue. I was totally scared and freaked but realized the ONLY thing it could be was from feeding-yes from my nipple (I have never typed that word so many times before). I called the doctor and she agreed that is probably what it was. She is fine otherwise, eating, pooping, peeing, sleeping, temperature etc...
Seriously! Does this happen? What is strange is my feeling about it- I feel guilty. I feel bad that she had to ingest that and she so innocently coughed it up.
I continue to nurse b/c the pain is only at the beginning and then it feels fine (but it is excruciating at the beginning). I hear that they do heal even with continued nursing so I am keeping my fingers crossed!

We had a nice visit from my dad the last couple of days and are awaiting arrival of my mom tomorrow!
Last night our neighbors came over for dinner and they were a HUGE help in the kitchen- thank you Joe so much for your help. We have fantastic friends and neighbors who are being so kind and giving.

Liliana continues to sleep very well and has allowed me to sleep very well too. She is a fantastic baby so far- not fussy, great eater and sleeper and the cutest baby in the world.
I just need to learn to put her down once in a while...

First Day Home

I left the hospital yesterday and was happy to leave but I have to say that the hospital stay was great- it really helped to get down breastfeeding and have nurses there at the push of a button to answer my questions and calm my fears.
I am still in quite bit of pain from the surgery which I didn't realize until I let my Norco intake lapse! I am still trying to keep activity normal without over-doing it.
It was kind-of hectic coming home b/c the house was a mess- Zeppo had crapped everywhere- even on the walls- it disgusts me so much and all I wanted was to come home to a clean house- oh well- it is clean now...
When we pulled up front, Chris pointed out that the neighbors had created a Welcome Home Liliana sign with sidewalk chalk- it was so sweet- I love it!
I have found there are so many places around the house perfect for nursing- the couch in the nursery and den are so comfortable and with the Boppy I can get easily positioned for a nice, intimate nursing- I love nursing so much except for the fact that I am incredibly sore from mishaps early on while we were both learning what to do. Other than that (which I am hoping gets better soon) nursing is the sweetest experience- I love the looks on her face and the sound she makes.
So I went to bed early last night and I am realizing that I am breaking all the rules I had set in place before actually HAVING a baby. To begin with, I have let her sleep with me every night- even in the hospital we would fall asleep together. I asked Chris to put her in her crib when he came to bed but he said we both looked so peaceful so he ended up leaving her there and sleeping on the couch! In any case, I woke up around 3:00 and nursed her and Chris came to bed- finally put her down IN HER CRIB around 4:00. Next thing I know it was 8:00am and I hadn't heard a peep out of her-of course I completely panicked- I thought I was supposed to be up constantly throughout the night? I was at the hospital but that was b/c nurses were constantly coming in the room.
I flew out of bed only to find her sleeping peacefully- I had to wake her to feed her. So now I am asking myself- do I have a wonderfully easy baby or is something wrong with her?
I imagine this can change too- it was the first night and she is only 5 days old!
She hates her diaper and clothes being changed- really the only time she full out cries is during those times.
I am listening to her on the monitor right now making all sorts of funny noises in her crib- I can't stand how cute she is! Part of me doesn't want this newborn stage to leave- I love everything just as it is.
Right now, with Liliana being 5 days old, I have to say I love being her mom-I love this experience so much- especially when I was able to sing along to James Taylor to her this morning.
I am so happy...

New Mom High

I want to write so many things but whenever I get a moment it is either just that- a moment- or I am too tired to think clearly- the latter is true right now.
I am still in the hospital and will be discharged tomorrow.
I can't describe how incredible I feel. I hear this frequently from other moms but the love that I feel for my baby is just the most immense emotion that I have ever experienced.
This time in the hospital has been great but it has been tough too because of the pain from the surgery. Pain aside, I feel like Liliana and I have been living in our own world where we are getting to know eachother and it has been the most precious time to me. The down side of this time is I feel I have excluded Chris. He has not been part of this time and when he shows up at the hospital I feel like he is intruding on us. I know how selfish and unfair that sounds but it is how I feel. I hope when we get back to our home we will be able to reconnect as a trio. Chris is so unbelievably in love with her and I melt to see it- I know we are each having our own experiences so now we need to have time as a new family.
I also feel blessed to have such great friends and family- all the messages we have received from everyone out there has meant so much to me. Thank you!
I imagine there will be no shortness of pictures posted to the blog in the future.
Please keep tuning in.

Welcome Liliana Genevieve Kminek

She is finally here!
Arrived 8/26/08
2:57pm
8lbs 4oz
21.5 inches

So much to say not much time at the moment!
Here is a slideshow of our beautiful little girl.
She arrived c-section yesterday afternoon at Northwestern Prentice Women's Hospital
More details to follow later I promise...
Enjoy the pictures