Raspberries!

Unfortunately we ran out of battery and didn't capture the real hearty giggles but here is a taste of her first laugh!!

Little Milestones

When I see a little glimmer of advancement I run to the computer to document it. I am so aware of every minute change in her behavior. What I am realizing though is that I am just seeing a glimpse of an even more acutely developed behavior. For example, she is REALLY engaging now with her dangly toys on her play gym. She is batting at them and gets excited when she sees something new. I imagine this is only going to become even more obvious in the weeks to come. It is so exciting but at the same time very sad for me because I am returning to work in a couple of weeks. I don't want to miss ANYTHING. I am so afraid I will miss her sit up for the first time, crawl, speak...I am actually very fortunate that my job does not require me to be away from her 9 hours a day, every day, but I am still already mourning the loss of spending every moment with her. Even as I type this, she is on her play mat and I can't stop looking at her.
She is getting so big too! She is in her 3-6 month clothes now. Not sure her weight but we need to pop over to the doctor next week to get some note for the airline- hopefully a quick weigh in will be done.
She has a pretty obvious case of cradle cap which I am trying to stay on top of but it just keeps re-appearing. It will go away soon I imagine.
Chris and I say every day that we don't want her to change from how she is presently but then she smiles at me so big and bright, and she didn't do it yesterday, and then I realize that all the changes make me love her even more- even when I didn't think that was possible...

Roll Over Liliana

The Laws of Physics

First of all, I want to express how excited, hopeful and relieved we are here in the Kminek household that Obama was overwhelmingly elected president!!
We voted early so election day was very relaxed. The weather here was beautiful- 72 degrees and sunny. We met our new friends Ashley and her baby Ezra for lunch here in Oak Park. We ate lunch in the park and strolled for a little bit. It was a really wonderful afternoon that was capped off with an explosive poo- yes, I mentioned Poo again, did you expect anything less? Just to get it all out, my world now consists of spit up, poo, sticking my nose right up to baby butt to sniff for poo...and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
Okay, back to the explosive poo. It basically determined that it was bath time. Most times I get in the bath with Liliana and she sits in her bath seat. I didn't feel like getting in the bath so I sat on the outside of the tub while bathing her. She LOVES the bath by the way- just like mom! Chris came in the bathroom and decided he wanted to get in the tub with her which I thought was a great idea. What I didn't think about was the effects of a 200+ lb person getting in a full tub of water...yes, the water came up so high and Liliana went under for a millisecond. I was so completely freaked out! She started crying and Chris felt horrible. I was worried she would hate baths from here on out. Chris promptly got out and she stopped crying and went back to enjoying her bath...thankfully! I felt so horrible though. I had my hand on her the whole time but I felt guilty because I am supposed to watch her and keep her safe. She is so helpless and 100% reliant on us and we were so stupid that we put her in a harmful situation. Luckily no harm done though...
On the developmental front, she seems to be reaching mini milestones. She is smiling a lot more and has become aware of her hands. Beth mentioned that it is so funny when it happens. Suddenly her hand goes by her face and her eyes follow it like- "whoa, look at that". She is also grasping more and batting at objects. We have put the toy part on her bouncy seat which lights up and makes noise when she bats at the animals. It teaches her cause and effect. Not sure if she has made that connection yet but when she is in the zone she bats at the animals a lot. We are reading to her more now too. I read the Hungry Caterpillar and How Much Do I Love You. She likes the pictures in Hungry Caterpillar. I also bought a few Baby Faces books and she is enthralled. Her attention span for them is short but those first few baby faces make her smile so much and she is glued to the pictures.
Her sleeping has been really pretty good the last few days. Lots of napping and no problem going down at night. She will sleep 4-5 hours the first stretch before waking up. Then it is 2.5-3 hour stretches after that. What I have realized is what is true today may not be true tomorrow. When I complain about her sleeping then the next few days she is a sleeping rock star. Then I brag about that and she goes to being a sleep deprived zombie for a couple of days. I think the net total though is that we have a really great baby- no major crying issues, no major sleep issues. We are so deeply in love with her-more everyday. I can't wait for her to meet family in 3 weeks!

Road Warrior

Well we successfully made our first car trip to Iowa this last weekend-more about that in a moment.
First things first-she had her 2 month appointment yesterday which was quite traumatic for us. It was the fateful vaccination day. She was double teamed by the nurses-one on each leg in order to give 2 shots at the same time. I was standing next to her with my hand on her but couldn't look. When they were done, I looked at her face and it crumpled, turned bright red and out came a cry that I have never heard before. After the initial cry, her mouth was wide open but she couldn't breath in. The nurse told me to blow on her to get her to breath in- AWFUL I tell you! I asked if I could stay in the exam room to nurse her and they let me. It calmed her down for the time being. We brought her home and she seemed fine-I left her with Chris around 5:30 to go to a kickboxing class. When I returned at 7:30 the downstairs was completely dark. I took in the evidence: the bottle I left was empty, her medicines were side by side on a tray in the den (mylicon and Zantac), there was a broken glass on the kitchen floor. I went upstairs and found Chris and baby in her nursery on the couch. She was peaceful and sleeping on his shoulder but Chris had this battered look about him. Apparently she started crying hysterically as soon as I left and never stopped. We tried to put her down in the crib but she started crying in her sleep. I tried to nurse her but was crying while trying to eat- she has never done that before- nursing has always calmed her down. We eventually got to the point where she was sleeping and only waking every 20 min or so with a cry and then going back to sleep. We called the doctor at 10:00pm and she confirmed it was most likely the shots. She suggested Tylenol so Chris was sent out to a 24 hour Walgreens. It seemed to work! She is fine now but WOW that was awful.
Here are her stats: Weight- 11.4 oz!!!
Length- 22.5 in (I think, I need to confirm)- bottom line- she is thriving!
I brought up my poop concern with the doc and she recently read an article that basically said- TREAT THE INFANT, NOT THE POOP. With that said, she is healthy so I could care less what color her poop is.

Back to the trip to Iowa...She was perfect! She slept most of drive there and back. We only stopped 1 time at the DeKalb Oasis to feed her and change her. She got to meet Gobbie (Chris' grandmother) Frank and Beth (Chris' Brother and sister in Law) and her cousins. She hardly fussed all weekend- a real trooper. It was kind of a pain being out of our routine for me though. Hotel room living, especially a Comfort Inn that has gone downhill, sucks. I didn't want her touching the bedspread or blanket because I am so creeped out by hotel linens- thanks a lot Dateline NBC.
Oskaloosa, IA is, however, the place of the purchase of her first stuffed animal that we have creatively named Lambie (as he is a Lamb). I hope she is as good when we fly to New Mexico next month!

POOP!

Arrrgh- green slimy poo again!
I will ask the doctor on Monday about it.
We are going to Iowa to see Chris' Grandmother and Brother (and family). We leave on Friday morning.
Should be an interesting trek in the car...
Will post after the journey- stay tuned!

Status Quo

Not really much to report because everything is going great.
We are getting out quite a bit to meet other moms/babies for lunches. We also made a 90 minute trek out to a party this last weekend. She was really well behaved and actually was content in her new Weego carrier. She slept the entire party but we did have one issue to contend with... people touching her without asking or washing their hands. Maybe I am being overly protective but I don't want strangers who have been outside all afternoon eating and drinking coming up and touching her head. I appreciate that they think she is beautiful and want to admire her but we ended up in the bathtub at 10:30pm washing cigarette stink off her noggin. How do you politely tell people to keep hands off?

She is also loving her swing finally- she hated it at first but now it is a guaranteed sleep inducer- plus it plays classical music that actually sounds pretty decent...she will be a well rested, cultured baby. She really is starting to notice objects like the bear mobile above the swing. She stared at them until she fell asleep.

The GERD is under control but not totally gone- it is manageable though. Nursing is almost perfect (who woulda thought that was possible).
Poop is great though she grunts like a grown man when she is trying to go!

We are gearing up to travel to Santa Fe next month and to get back to work. I have to say that I am not ready to return to work. That is all I will say at this point b/c I don't want to think too much about it right now but I need to get on the ball and figure out what we are doing for childcare!

This entire experience is so wonderful- I am so IN LOVE with my baby it is truly inexplicable (except to other moms who smell what i'm cookin'!)

Baby Horoscopes: Find out what the stars say about your little one!

Many people believe that the astrological sign your baby is born under can influence her personality, interests, talents, and who she'll best develop relationships with later in life. Here's the inside scoop on what to expect, with a little

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growing...

Quick weight update-
9lbs 8oz
She gained 6 oz from last monday after only gaining 1 oz the week before. I personally suspect the original weigh in of 9.1 was incorrect...
Also, she is losing her soft, silky hair in the front...looks more like her daddy everyday;)

new update: first true smile in response to me- just now!

Hooray

Well it looks like the Zantac is kicking in. She is a lot less miserable than she has been. We both slept until 8:30 this morning! That was after a marathon feeding at about 1:30- Now that I can nurse without so much drama, I have learned to "nap nurse" her lying down. It is great b/c we can both just lie in the dark while she nurses. She ate voraciously for 45 min and then sort of slept and nursed for another 15-20 more. I can't believe how much she slept after that. I actually had to wake her to take her meds and eat again. She needed the sleep because she has not been napping during the day- she is sound asleep on me right now. She is a very attached baby. She does not like to be alone at all-not sure if that is inherant in her personality or a creation of mine.

Poop Scoop: It has been a great seedy yellow but this morning it was a slimy green which indicates a food allergy. I am going to cut out dairy right away just to see if it is a cow's milk allergy. The milk in coffee and cereal can easily be replaced with soy or rice milk- I will miss my cheese though- I eat cheese and crackers daily...

Now that she isn't s fussy, we can do a little tummy time- see video... (amateur at best- taken with my camera as a trial run to see how video looked)

Zantac

Well she has been taking Zantac for 3 days now and I think the medication is finally working! She is pretty much on a daily regimen of Zantac and Milicon right now- thank god for meds! She still is not sleeping much during the day though (and night)- she is so tired but can't let go. I can get her to fall asleep but she easily wakes up and then is fussy- this could all be from the GERD though so we will see...I also have the fear that maybe she isn't getting enough to eat so I feel we are constantly nursing- she only gained 1 oz last week. The doc isn't concerned though but we do have a weigh in next week just to be sure.
She is starting grasp things now- she grabbed my fingers in each fist and wouldn't let go. She also grabs my hair when I am carrying her and won't let go.
I am starting to see the signs of baby acne on her beautiful skin- I know it is totally normal and I promise I won't mess with it but I hate to see her perfect complexion with red marks!
So, all in all it has been a very challenging week but nothing we can't handle!
Pictures to follow soon I promise!

GERD

Well it looks like she has GERD (acid reflux). This is so hard. I can hardly stand to watch her suffer like she is. There is really nothing you can do other than keep her upright and angle her mattress for sleeping. They rarely medicate babies for GERD though Chris seems to want her medicated. He is less patient with her crying. It really is one of the most difficult things to deal with but for me it is because I just can't stand her suffering- it truly is heart breaking.
I understand that she will outgrow it but until then there is little we can do except modifications of feeding and sleeping positions.

Happy 1 Month Birthday!

To celebrate, we have finally pooped- 3 times in the last 3 hours- yeah! By we I mean Liliana- though I share a lot of info on this blog I am not sharing my personal bathroom habits...
Formula sucks- I hate it and it makes her miserable- gas and constipation.
She is back to nursing as I am feeling much better and so is she!

One milestone I noticed is she looks AT me more than beyond me. She still seems more enamored with the corner of a wall or the ceiling fan but at times she will stare at my face-

We will celebrate her 1 month on this earth this evening- pictures to come...

A Particularly Difficult Time

The last couple of days have been tough for me. To preface, imagine all that is going on is while I am topless. This is per doctor's recommendation. I am not healing at all but I have not helped matters any by wearing nursing tanks with gauze and ointment. I have created a warm, dark, moist environment- perfect for cultivating yeast cultures! Too bad I am not an 8th grade science experiment. I am so frustrated with myself b/c I feel I have made null and void the last 2 weeks of twice daily pill popping. So, I sit here for the 2nd day straight trying to air out but I don't think it is working. I am still in so much pain and now there is nothing there to protect me from the pain when I try and hold Liliana close...and boy she has needed to be held A LOT lately.
She is suffering from bad gas and not frequent pooping. She used to poop several times daily and yesterday she went only once. She has yet to go today. I suspect, as I mentioned yesterday, it is from the formula. The pain from the gas is also preventing her from sleeping. I will feed her, she will fall asleep and minutes later she wakes up screaming in pain. She is easily consolable but it cycles like this constantly. I am trying everything to help her pass gas- I finally sent Chris out to get Mylicon which helped her a little (a couple of little toots) but I have yet to see a poop. I am afraid when it finally does come it will be an explosion like yesterday- it was EVERYWHERE!
I am doing all I can to not give her formula which means I am basically tied to the pump. I have also started nursing her on the less damaged side which is working out okay except now I don't know how much she is consuming! I think I got a little spoiled with the bottles b/c I know for certain that she just ate 4oz and that I wasn't denying her. Now, she can be at the breast for 30 min, fall asleep, wake up and show major hunger cues and I don't know what they are all about! Is she really still hungry or just needing to suck? I know I nursed exclusively for 3 weeks and didn't have this concern but now it has entered my world and it is stressing me out.

So here I sit, topless, in the den, which is the only room downstairs with window treatments. This is where I have been for the last 36 hours with the exception of sleep time. I have Liliana on my lap briefly sleeping and I am typing off to the side. My pump is in arms reach to the other side. The cleaning lady just left and I am eyeing a nugget of something on the otherwise clean kitchen floor. I suspect it is a poop- a solid poop left by the cat that hasn't pooped anything solid in the last 3 years. Seriously! My poor little baby is struggling to poop and here goes the cat- leaving a perfectly formed poop in my site line- cruel and, possibly, an example of irony- not quite sure though-that word is never used correctly.
As Liliana stiffens her legs from the pain, she, without fail, kicks me right at her food source- I am in SO MUCH PAIN- I want it to go away NOW.
I must say though that my resolve to breastfeed this child is strong- I am not giving in- I didn't realize how passionate I would feel about this but I am surprising myself!
The other thing that surprises me is my complete lack of frustration with the baby. I feel only empathy for her and I don't feel angry or annoyed-I just want to hold her close and make her feel better- what frustrates me is that I can't do that easily b/c of the pain.
When she is trying particularly hard to poop she looks like a cross between Robert DeNiro and Steven VanZandt's character on the Sopranos.
In any case-this is today-tomorrow will be another experience- all are memorable and all are absolutely worth it.

4 Weeks Old!

I can't believe it has been 4 weeks.
Everything is going so fast.
Liliana weighed in at a healthy 9lbs 1 Oz yesterday! She is doing great on a combination of formula and pumped milk- this is the route I am taking now b/c I am still not healing well.
The green poop I mentioned before was a result of ingesting blood during feedings. This is my own diagnosis. She was spitting up a lot of blood so I stopped nursing. The result was beautiful (if you want to call it that) yellow poop! I am very frustrated with the fact that I am not healing. I am at the point now where I am beginning to accept that fact that I probably won't be able to nurse but now I am worried that I won't get rid of this infection or pain!
I have 2 more months of maternity leave and I am already sad about leaving her when I return to work! I don't know how people do it after 6 weeks- it is simply not enough time.
I am starting to get a little house crazy and am looking to get out of the house more and connect with other people.
Chris and I took Liliana to the Oaktoberfest on Saturday- there were a lot of people there with very young babies. It felt good to be out of the house socializing!
I also have plans on Thursday to meet someone that I met through a friend on facebook. She is also from Santa Fe, lives in Chicago and has a new baby. I am looking forward to chatting with another new mom!
Liliana still continues to have a great demeanor. She is generally easy to sooth when upset. Lately though she has been more fussy. I attribute this to formula. She has a little more tummy issues with the formula but once she gets through that she is completely calm again- you can tell that she just wants to poop! Breastmilk apparently is a natural laxative so she has less issues when nursing or drinking more pumped milk (I can only pump so much though and must supplement with formula).

I have booked our tickets to Santa Fe for Thanksgiving and am looking forward to the trip but am trying to figure out the logistics of the travel. I didn't realize how complicated it was- do we send our extra car seat base to Santa Fe? What do we do with the car seat/carrier- do they check it below the airplane with the stroller? Do I trust that- what if it gets damaged and then is unsafe? Do we have to drive to the airport and park the car? I will figure it all out but if anyone has suggestions I am open to them- I know people travel with infants all the time!

Paranoid first time Mom

Now that the focus has shifted a bit off my own pain and issues, I am transferring concern and worry onto Liliana- why does her poop suddenly resemble pesto and is no longer that perfect yellow color it is supposed to be? Why is she fussier than she was last week? Why did she projectile vomit about 6 oz of milk right into my face while we were lying in bed only inches apart? (think exorcist). I run to the internet, to my "baby bible" or the phone to get answers to these questions. They range anywhere from- totally normal, no need to be concerned or sounds like food allergies to could be cause for concern- call your doctor. So far I am remaining calm and am waiting for our appointment on Monday to confirm all is okay. She doesn't have a fever and seems to be eating plenty. In fact, I suspect the projectile incident was a result from over feeding. I am learning not to mis-read her hunger cues. Sometimes she does the fist in the mouth even after a very long feeding when all she really wants to do is suck on a finger to sooth her. Before, I was either nursing her again or giving her pumped milk from a bottle. The night she went Linda Blair on me she had nursed 2 times for 30 min each AND had 4oz from a bottle b/c she kept acting hungry and was crying A LOT. I think we made matters worse b/c her tummy was probably too full. As we get to know eachother better, I realize that she just needs to be soothed so a finger in her mouth to suck on works wonders!
Hopefully next Monday will reveal that all is okay, green poop is green poop and not a sign of my milk being "imbalanced", that she is gaining weight and is all around healthy as I suspect she is...

So I have heard

Alright, I have been told by more than one person that my blog entries are TMI (for a brother) and kind of a turn off- talk about the baby already!
Point taken- sorry, I guess I didn't realize people were actually reading this so thanks!

Update

The lactation consultant doesn't really know what is going on b/c I am doing everything right yet Liliana is doing something funky with her tongue when latching on- this is new- she hasn't always done this...
On a different note though, I have yeast infection of the breasts! This is what is causing so much pain but I am on a 2 week Diflucan regimen and already feel the difference.

Now about the baby (I feel bad that I want to write about her but it always comes back to my boobies!) She seems amazingly alert and interactive for a 2 week old- she frequently has her eyes open and is taking in whatever it is she can see at this point. We also swear she is smiling and it isn't gas!!
She seems happiest when just in a diaper and I have learned that she LOVES being carried in a sling- I think it mimics the womb very well- now she can nap and I can do laundry at the same time!

She had been sleeping part or all of the nights in bed with us as I was so exhausted by nighttime that after nursing I just plopped her down next to me. She seems to sleep very well nuzzled next to me but I know that so many people think this is a no no and could be harmful etc..It just feels so nice. Anyway, we did put her down in her crib last night and she slept there the whole night.

She is such a sweaky, wonderful little thing- Chris and I say more than once a day how lucky we are...

What a Love!

I am amazed at the love that is developing for little Liliana.
It is just so intense- I can stare at her face forever.
My mom was in town this last week and helped out a lot- I am on my own now but feel I have a pretty good routine down and am finally feeling better (not achy and fluey like before) so I actually have energy and desire to do chores around the house! Now I just have to put the baby down so I can get it done! She just loves to sleep on me though and wakes every time I put her in the bassinet or crib.
I have the lactation consultant coming back today because I am still having trouble with the latching and am re-damaging myself! It is so unbelievably frustrating- I can't figure out what I am doing wrong- I feel like I am doing everything correctly yet it comes out all wrong- I just don't know what to do to fix it- I really hope this follow up visit will help- this situation is tainting what otherwise would be the most blissful experience. Don't get me wrong, it is truly fantastic but getting sweaty palms every time I have to feed her because I am anticipating excruciating pain and knowing I am reversing the healing process truly just sucks.
All that aside, we are so in awe...

More nursing woes-but I am on the mend

I originally was going to post this entry with details about all the trouble I have been having but I am in a much better place right now so in a nutshell: Was in so much pain that I simply couldn't imagine latching on one more time, I tried to pump but yielded hardly any milk. I simply broke down crying in the middle of the night feeling like a horrible mother who wasn't able to provide for her baby the way she wanted to. I reluctantly, very reluctantly, allowed my mom to give her a bottle of formula on Thursday morning just so she had food intake. It was a very rainy day on Thursday and I literally sat all day pumping as much milk as I could so i could keep my supply up and have milk for Liliana. Well, I had a lactation consultant come in yesterday (Friday) and we worked through things. Between fine tuning the actual feedings and getting the name of prescription cream to help me heal, I am on the mend. I feel so much better and the feedings are going great. She gained 6oz from Tuesday to Friday.
Word of advice for any future first time moms. DO NOT leave the hospital without proper instructions from a lactation consultant if you are experiencing ANY PAIN. It is not right and it should not hurt. I feel very frustrated and let down by Prentice Hospital b/c I feel I was given poor guidance and information. I can't tell you how many people I told about the pain and the soreness which turned to bleeding while I was there. They all told me it would heal on its own blah blah blah...
Onto other things, it has been such a whirlwind here. I have lost complete track of time but it is great. Liliana still continues to be unbelievably well behaved and is getting more alert and active by the minute! I have added new pictures to the slideshow of All Things Liliana and will continue to do so until I run out of space so check the Picassa sight periodically if you are interested.
Mom has been a great help and Chris continues to amaze me with what he is doing. He is cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and just being all around fantastic.