Running out of Steam

I used to look forward to posting and sharing on this blog. Lately I just am not sure where to start. That first year of life is so full with amazing milestones that reporting is easy! Plus the feelings of being a first time parent are just so intense and accessible. I am not implying that I no longer feel that intensity of parenthood, in fact Chris and I are knocked down over and over again with how much we are in love with Liliana. It is just so much part of our daily grind now that I can't really bask in the newness of it all. She is constantly developing new skills and her personality grows richer every day but I for some reason have lost a desire to write about it here.

What I really want to write about is how badly I want another baby. How my last 2 pregnancy failures still are raw and painful. How I can't see pregnant women on the street without thinking that should be me and wondering if I will ever experience it again. How my heart just sinks every time someone else announces their pregnancy even though I am happy for them.

I also want to write about the stress of our lives on top of all that. How the shitty economy and new laws surrounding the appraisal market have left us struggling to pay our mortgage every month. How we have found ourselves totally upside down in our house and fear daily that we will lose our home. How I am working double time trying to get Chris' appraisal business stimulated but fear it won't work and I have no other ideas in my head if this fails. How despite all this I am strangely happy because I love my family, enjoy my new job and I feel that something good has to come out of all this.