Damn

I am not writing a long post, there will be plenty more to follow as the numbness wears off. I had a 3rd miscarriage today. Rather I found out today that my baby had no heartbeat and stopped growing last Wednesday at 8weeks 2days. We kept this pregnancy really quiet and were going to announce at our pulled pork party at the end of the month. I even bought a "I'm going to be a big sister" t-shirt for Liliana to wear to make the announcement. It is the same story, saw heartbeat, everything was fine then same day as ultrasound baby stops growing. I have the flu or something like it and have been feeling really rotten all day. After the Tylenol kicked in I noticed pretty significant cramping. I went into my doctor's office to be checked and that is when we received the news. Unbelievable. I am an Atheist and I tell you, I actually wondered today if there is a vengeful God out there that is punishing me for my lack of belief. Of course I don't believe this, especially when I see on Babycenter so may religious girls talking about God taking their baby to heaven and how it is all part of his plan. What bullshit.