Mommy needs Meds

Wow the realization that I have really crossed the line into mommyhood hit me this morning while getting dressed. While I stood over my jumbled underwear drawer trying to decide which pair to wear, I found myself digging for the cotton, sensible Hanes. I used to pass those by as an absolute last resort in search for the thong. Now those get tossed aside as I opt for the welcoming softness and size of the cotton bikini brief. It is not only with the underwear that I have noticed a change, but I tend to spend less time worrying about the wrinkles around my eyes, if my hair looks perfect or if I have on lip gloss. It isn't that I don't care about my appearance or that I go to the grocery store in my froggy pajama bottoms, I just have let go of certain aspects of my life that used to hold such high priority.
There is another aspect I WISH I could let go- I have deep rooted insecurities that bubble up to the surface every now and then and they become as obvious as my newly adopted panty lines. They take over my life as evidence in my last post. They creep into work, into relationships and, now, into motherhood. With work I am convinced that I am failing and that everyone around me is aware of it and discussing it with each other- yes paranoia comes to your mind I bet.
With Liliana I am afraid that I am going to smother her with love. What? Isn't that crazy? I don't know, I just want to hug and kiss her all the time! She pushes me away now to get to much more important tasks like placing her rings onto her stacking toy- she has mastered this and I am so proud of her! She is so independent which is awesome. I want to encourage that and I want her to feel confident and secure and I don't want my shortcomings to negatively impact her. I should stress that these feelings come in waves. It isn't a constant- I often feel quite confident and competent in my abilities as an employee, wife and mom- just that right now there is a storm brewing and the waves are higher than usual. Blame it on Mercury in retrograde, change of the seasons, world financial crises, genetics, hormones...
I feel wonderful though to have a couple good friends that I can call anytime (Justine- right at you girl!), my OWN mommy who is really just so completely amazing at understanding what I go through and Chris who knows when I need a hug. I sound like I just accepted an Emmy or am writing acknowledgements to a book.
With all that, on to what you probably came here for- Liliana is becoming more verbal but no real words yet. She clearly identifies BALL and BALLOON with the same B sound. She is still fanatical about both objects. She used her walking push toy for the first time yesterday and now confidently scoots it around the house while running into every doorway, table and cat in the house. We inherited the now infamous toy car from some neighbors and she loves to ride in it. She also loves to look at the Elvis book, so does her Dad...