Calm

A few months ago, as I rightly predicted my eventual unemployment, I would wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. It just seemed that if I lost my job everything would come crashing down around us. What I am finding odd, and amazing, is that as we are in the middle of this I am completely at peace. Things are working out in a way I never imagined. First, we are able to get on a health care plan for half of what Cobra would cost. It is a BlueCross PPO and covers the whole family. There is no penalty for canceling it at any time. We may decide to just keep it depending on what benefits are provided with a new job that is surely in my future. Second, I received a paycheck last Thursday that was for my last 2 weeks of work in December- that was a surprise. I still have my 1 month severance coming too. So I feel like we can breath a little easier for now.

I have a phone interview on Thursday for a job that sounds really great. The package is much better than Izzy and I am feeling hopeful. The final piece of the puzzle that has allowed me to be so calm is our decision about having a second baby. I was so stressed about what a future employer would think if I were pregnant early on with a new job. There was also the health insurance component which has been resolved. It made me so sad to think that I would have to put those plans on hold because it is my entire focus (besides getting a new job). I was starting to feel really angry at my previous employer even though I am so thrilled to be out of there, I was feeling resentful that he had control over such personal decisions of mine. However, everyone I have spoken with, including my father Mr Practical, has agreed that there is no point in delaying it. It may not happen right away, legally I don't have to tell them anything and it is ultimately the most important thing in my life. Ideally I would like to qualify for FMLA which requires that I am there for a year but there is so much open to negotiation and nothing is black and white. I just need to proceed as planned.

So, to summarize, I have not felt so relaxed and happy since I was on maternity leave with Liliana. I have been fighting a cold and Liliana has continued to be plagued with sickness: double ear infection, diarrhea from the antibiotics, horrible diaper rash and a rattling cough and runny nose. HOWEVER, she is happy and fun right now. I think she is on the tail end of it all. She seems to have created her own language. She can literally go on for minutes talking in her Liliana latin. She has rising and falling intonations and laughs in between. I love listening to it! I am going to truly enjoy this time with Liliana but also am really hoping to have a job in a month.