sickness

We can't seem to catch a break in this household. It is currently 6 degrees outside and the thought of leaving the house is the farthest thing from my mind. Good thing because everyone is sick...again. Chris has something pretty bad with aches, chills and a 101.2 fever AFTER he took a good dose of Ibuprofen. He can hardly get out of bed but has been really great in trying to help me out with Liliana when he can. This was sweet but may be responsible for Liliana showing signs of sickness. She had a runny nose while in Santa Fe the week before Christmas. We came home and she suffered from a several day 103 fever for the second round in a month which was the result of another ear infection. The doctor said it is most likely the same infection she had over Thanksgiving as it is in the same ear. After a strong dose of antibiotics she seemed great yesterday while Chris was in bed all day. This morning we have a runny nose and fussiness again. Chris is still in bed and I have been fighting something for what seems like months. I have had a horrible cough for over 2 months and have low grade achiness and exhaustion.

I can't help but suspect that my symptoms, other than the cough which is very real, are psychosomatic. I am vacillating between being okay mentally to being in a funk. I need to make some very real changes in my life with regards to my professional situation. It is not doing me any good feeling this way. I am also still feeling a depression over the miscarriage. We are in a place we can start trying again which is thrilling for me but I am really fearful now. Fearful I will miscarry again, fearful I won't conceive at all, fearful the baby will be genetically compromised. I feel very lonely. This weather certainly is not helping my mood either. I really think this all stems from my professional life. The unhappiness oozes into every crevice of my life. I am having insomnia again just thinking about returning to work tomorrow. I need to find my bliss. Can I put that on a resume?

This is my focus for 2010, make changes professionally that will allow me to enjoy the other beautiful aspects of my life.
Stay tuned.