A Mother Looks at Forty

Less than a week until my 40th birthday. I found my first gray hair last week, and then 2 more this morning. I suspect they have been there all along but due to household budget cuts I have not colored my hair in over a year so they are now clearly visible.
I remember approaching 30 and felt that I had to have a real freak out about it. I bought several books containing advice and funny anecdotes to help ease into my 4th decade. I even jumped out of an airplane to celebrate the momentous event. In reality, I didn't truly feel very affected by it. It was just another number to me but I was trying to make it a bigger deal because it seemed everyone did- Saturn returning and all that jazz. Okay, so here I am facing 40 and again I am not really experiencing the freak out. Besides, 40 is the new 30 ( or so I have heard more times than I can keep track). Except this time, it seems the significance of 40 could possibly have a more meaningful impact on my life. We are trying to have another baby (no need to keep it a secret). With Liliana, one try and boom, done. Granted we haven't been trying for #2 long but it didn't happen right away. I am not concerned or saddened but my mind does start to go to the place of internet headlines and stories of old eggs and downs syndrome etc... I have become somewhat superstitious too. Not sure if superstitious is exactly the word but having this desire to recreate my life of Fall 2007. How much coffee was I drinking then? Was wine a daily drink or weekly? I was in the best shape of my life, do I have time to go to kickboxing 3 days a week for 6 months to get that body back? Of course my life is totally different now and I could never recreate 2007 Leigh so why do I think conception will not happen for 2009 Leigh? Do my eggs know that 40 is the new 30?
Life is beautiful anyway- looking forward to the party next week and celebrating with family and friends. Hope my 40 year old mother of a 1 year old body can stay up past 10:00pm.
Stay tuned for post- party details and pictures.

Meltdown in Aisle One!

Have you ever noticed the random grocery items left in odd places at the check out line of the store? You know, the stray transformer stuffed between the candy bars or the small balloon with the cheery, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" writing on it that is meant to go in bouquet of flowers or potted plant placed conspicuously between the Grab Bag of chips? I guess I always assumed those items were left there by people trying to whittle down their items for the "10 and under" line or those having second thoughts about impulse purchases. After my last 2 grocery shopping experiences with Liliana I now know the truth.
I really used to love grocery shopping with Liliana. It wasn't that is was just tolerable, it was truly enjoyable. She would sit so proudly in the shopping cart smiling at everyone and waving at all the balloons and stuffed animals placed everywhere in the store from the bakery to the seasonal aisle. Every trip to the store made me a very proud mamma with numerous compliments on how cute and well behaved she was. She was complimented on her smile and laugh. I just beamed while I lazily strolled up and down the aisles letting Liliana take everything in.
It was always even more fun when Chris would come because I love traveling as a family. So today when he agreed to take Liliana to the grocery store with him I jumped at the chance to join them instead of staying home to fold laundry. With one pit stop to the flower nursery behind us, we pulled into the Jewel Osco parking lot with about 30 minutes to spare before Liliana's nap time. I pulled her out of the car and Chris had already wrangled a shopping cart. As first time parents we are hyper vigilant about shopping cart cleanliness so we place our very cute, green Clean Shopper on the cart and snuggle Liliana inside. Again, she sits so proudly and looks cute and sweet holding on the shopping cart as we dodge traffic through the lot and make it through the doors of the produce area of the store. Okay, I am ready to hear the compliments- "oh how cute", "what a beautiful baby", "such a sweet smile"... However, that is not the first thing I hear. Instead, I hear an eardrum rattling shriek that doesn't stop soon enough. I look around and get my first dirty look from, wait for it, another couple with a 6 month old (or so) baby sitting sweetly and quietly in her Clean Shopper lined cart. Woah, what just happened? I lean down to Liliana and whisper that she must not scream. She is looking up with arms outstretched and lips shaped in a tight "O" making jungle sounds while somehow bouncing up and down in the cart. My eyes follow hers up and there they are. Balloons everywhere. Dora the Explorer, SpongeBob Square Pants, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY! Oh my god what do I do what do I do? Where is Chris? Where did he go? I spy him clear on the other side of Produce heading for the butcher...hmmmph. I wheel right by a huge sunflower balloon and Liliana nearly falls out of the cart trying to grab it- luckily the Clean Shopper also has her strapped down. Okay the the Sunflower balloon is weighted down with a big clip to keep in on the floor. I pick up the balloon and clip it to the cart. Liliana is in HEAVEN smacking the balloon on each side but she is still making the jungle sounds. I can't really see where I am going because the huge sunflower is right in front of my face- I also can't see Liliana but I can sure hear her! I pass the couple with the perfect baby again just as Liliana begins her shrieks again. They look at eachother with an air of superiority as if saying "sucky mom can't even keep her baby quiet, we must be the best parents EVER". I press on. Where is Chris? There he is! There he goes yelling something about needing soap. I head off to the cold cuts when Liliana shrieks the loudest I have ever heard her. No joke, the loudest....ever. An elderly lady comes up to me and says "that is one loud baby". Her husband comes up from behind and speaks directly to Liliana and asks "did that come from you?" Liliana has been described as many things all of which make me proud and leave me beaming...this was not one of those things. Ugggh.
I find Chris again and tell him what the lady said and he laughs, then disappears...
I ditch the balloon in the cheese section and stop her protests by giving her a package of cheese. She threw that on the floor and I replaced it with a box of Gerber baby cereal bars. She chewed a hole in that box and then spied the 10 foot tall bin of rubber balls. I grab the most colorful one and meet Chris in the checkout line. Chris takes the ball and wedges it between the Fannie May chocolate cooler and the over priced flower arrangement shelf. We dodged more Dora balloons, before we finally made it out of the store. I feel that I accomplished something by not actually buying her anything but feel kind of guilty that I left things in random places. So next time you see a WebKinz stuffed animal in the ice cream freezer, feel a small bit of compassion because somewhere there is a new mom trying to figure it all out with a baby about to turn ONE.

First Blood

This post has nothing to do with Sylvester Stalone though I imagine I can make a connection somehow if I really tried. This month is a big month for us and many of our friends with babies. Lot's of first birthdays are being celebrated in the month of August. The most recent party was for Ezra who turned the big "01" on August 1st. We headed out to Ashley and Gabe's house without incidence. Feeling a little disappointed that the weather was cool, windy and rainy so the party on the beach was to be moved indoors, we were still excited to see Ashley, Gabe, Ezra and other guests. It is always so much fun to see Liliana interact with other children- she is turning into such a social baby. Just as we turned left onto Ashley's street, Liliana projectile vomitted formula and Cheerios. This is the second time this has happened in the car. I am beginning to suspect she gets car sick. 3 more weeks and we can move her seat forward. After a quick outfit change in Ezra's nursery we were ready to party! All was going well, pretty standard party excitment: first time soap bubbles, new toys borrowed from Ezra, crawling fast down the hallway toward dad's voice then...boom...faceplant onto the hardwood floor. I just stared down at her for a split second waiting to see if she was going to get back into crawling position and proceed on her way. She remained flat on the ground so I scooped her up and had to blow in her face to get her to breath- she was crying the same way she did after her first set of vaccinations. Then, from the corner of her mouth the blood came trickling out. Did she bite through her lip?? Did she bite her tongue?? Will she need stitches??? So many things went through my mind but I think I remained pretty calm. I wet a papertowel and Ashley got some ice. The bleeding stopped as quickly as it started. Her mood returned back to normal and we resumed our activities in the living room. I think I was more affected by seeing her bleed for the first time than she was. Once again, just a lesson that things are going to happen: bumps, bruises, cuts and we all move on. Resilient little buggers they are! On the way home, no afternoon nap Liliana was shaking her marraca like mad and whacked herself in the head...hard. Again she cried without breathing, I blew in her face and gave her a soft toy to play with...peaceful again.