On the mend

Liliana's ear infection is clearing up and the cold that also appeared earlier this week seems to be waning. I am hopeful we have seen the end of this! 2 months is entirely too long to be sick for one little toddler. Today is the second to the last day she will be in daycare until I officially find a job. It is looking good that something will happen in the next 3-4 weeks and I am still in the running for both job opportunities. I am completely confused by unemployment benefits however. I think by the time I figure it out I probably won't need them! I received a debit card, checked my eligibility status and checked my balance on the card and I have $0. I have left numerous messages with the local unemployment office and no one has ever called me back. I want my $385/ week dammit!

So now that everyone is healthy, I am looking forward to doing a lot more with Liliana in this bonus free time we have together. I also got a month free pass to a gym in town so I am looking forward to getting back in shape!

Oh, I almost forgot, I have decided to go forward and have Liliana's speech delay evaluated. I made the call and am waiting for someone to call back to schedule a home visit. Either I made the right move for early intervention, or they will tell me she is fine and no need to worry. Seems like no harm can be done with this appointment. I will keep you updated!

Trying to keep busy

I thought with all this time off I would be out and about with Liliana doing story times at the library, free days at the aquarium, field and science museums and concerts at the local children's museum. However the sickness in our household has really prevented us from doing any of that. She will go to daycare this week Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so that I can have time to get some things done and have an open schedule if I have any job search related activity. We have managed to do a few things. We went to the Shedd Aquarium with friends Ashley and Mara and their little ones Ezra and Mikaela. It was great to see Liliana get so excited about the huge tank in the center of the 1st floor. Her attention quickly waned and all she wanted to do was run around. This was fun to watch as well but also exhausting trying to keep up with her and keep an eye on Ashley and Mara to make sure I didn't lose them.
We had a slightly negative encounter (in my opinion) with some "bully" children. Liliana was sitting in a canoe and having a great time. This group of kids came barreling into the canoe, which is fine, but then a little girl only about 2 years old pushed Liliana out of the way and told her to go away. I pulled Liliana out of the canoe and told her our turn was over and to let the other children play. She didn't want to leave and walked back over. The same little girl pushed her away from the canoe and said "you can't play with us, go away!" At the same time, an older boy from the group about 6 years old was hitting her with the paddle from the canoe- not hard but was hitting her legs. I moved her further away from the canoe and he stretched out the paddle to hit her legs. I attempted again to move her completely away though she kicked and screamed I successfully got her interested in another exhibit. I was so annoyed. I know Liliana will continue to encounter people like this her whole life. I can't shield her from that and hope she develops the tools to deal with it without it affecting her self confidence like it did mine when I was small. I felt bullied my whole childhood and still have emotional scars from it. Beyond that, what I found so obnoxious were the mom's just standing there drinking their Starbucks watching everything and not intervening. I am not quite sure the best way to handle this type of situation but felt what I did was good for now.

Well today we are going to the doctor to see if the current antibiotics are having any impact on her ears. If not, a visit to and ENT is next. I hope she won't need tubes but also know it is common and it won't be the end of the world.

Photo below does not contain images of obnoxious children- incident occurred about 5 minutes later.

Is this normal?

I wonder as I sit here without a job, Chris' business is non-existent, I am recovering from a sinus infection coupled with bronchitis and Liliana is on her 4th round of antibiotics to try and win the battle with a stubborn ear infection why I am so happy? I was in the kitchen this morning cleaning the dishes and was swept over with this intense giddiness about our life. I wonder if this is some manic episode and I am, rather than truly at peace with my life, bordering on demonstrating symptoms of bi-polar behavior? Of course I say that in jest and with no disrespect to anyone truly afflicted with the illness. I can't help but question if this is normal or, better yet, a sign that our lives are moving in the right direction after swirling in the toilet bowl of wrong decisions or complete inaction for so long.
Not to beat the proverbial dead horse, but leaving my last job was truly the best thing that could have happened to me. It was unhealthy on so many levels and I see even more clearly now how dysfunctional the whole situation was. The unfortunate part is I believe a friend will be lost in the wreckage but not sure it was a true friendship to begin with.
So, I have 2 job opportunities that both sound great but are completely different. I am in the final round for both. I am not going to go into detail yet but will certainly update when and if the opportunity(ies) turn into offers.
What I feel like is I am on a staycation that will end in a fresh new start with work. No coming back to old issues, problems and drama. A clean slate is how I will end this wonderful time at home with Liliana.

Calm

A few months ago, as I rightly predicted my eventual unemployment, I would wake up in the middle of the night in a panic. It just seemed that if I lost my job everything would come crashing down around us. What I am finding odd, and amazing, is that as we are in the middle of this I am completely at peace. Things are working out in a way I never imagined. First, we are able to get on a health care plan for half of what Cobra would cost. It is a BlueCross PPO and covers the whole family. There is no penalty for canceling it at any time. We may decide to just keep it depending on what benefits are provided with a new job that is surely in my future. Second, I received a paycheck last Thursday that was for my last 2 weeks of work in December- that was a surprise. I still have my 1 month severance coming too. So I feel like we can breath a little easier for now.

I have a phone interview on Thursday for a job that sounds really great. The package is much better than Izzy and I am feeling hopeful. The final piece of the puzzle that has allowed me to be so calm is our decision about having a second baby. I was so stressed about what a future employer would think if I were pregnant early on with a new job. There was also the health insurance component which has been resolved. It made me so sad to think that I would have to put those plans on hold because it is my entire focus (besides getting a new job). I was starting to feel really angry at my previous employer even though I am so thrilled to be out of there, I was feeling resentful that he had control over such personal decisions of mine. However, everyone I have spoken with, including my father Mr Practical, has agreed that there is no point in delaying it. It may not happen right away, legally I don't have to tell them anything and it is ultimately the most important thing in my life. Ideally I would like to qualify for FMLA which requires that I am there for a year but there is so much open to negotiation and nothing is black and white. I just need to proceed as planned.

So, to summarize, I have not felt so relaxed and happy since I was on maternity leave with Liliana. I have been fighting a cold and Liliana has continued to be plagued with sickness: double ear infection, diarrhea from the antibiotics, horrible diaper rash and a rattling cough and runny nose. HOWEVER, she is happy and fun right now. I think she is on the tail end of it all. She seems to have created her own language. She can literally go on for minutes talking in her Liliana latin. She has rising and falling intonations and laughs in between. I love listening to it! I am going to truly enjoy this time with Liliana but also am really hoping to have a job in a month.

It seems horrible but it's not

As many of you know, I lost my job on Monday. Based on the previous post you can deduce that this is a good thing for us. I am at peace now and am excited about future opportunities. The whole trying for #2 thing causes a slight wrinkle in plans as I am not sure what to do. Also the lack of income and health insurance isn't ideal especially with Liliana and her double ear infection and lower respiratory infection. However, I get to be with her and nurse her through her sickness and that is awesome. I am making the blog "private" for awhile. Although I only wrote about work issues a couple of times, I don't want those entries or my trying to conceive entries to affect any future employment opportunities. It is common practice now for companies to search blogs and social networking sights. So I am going to make it private and probably take a break from blogging for awhile. However, if I do find the need to make an entry, and you would like to check it out, please send me an email and I will add you to the invite list.

Thanks for reading!

sickness

We can't seem to catch a break in this household. It is currently 6 degrees outside and the thought of leaving the house is the farthest thing from my mind. Good thing because everyone is sick...again. Chris has something pretty bad with aches, chills and a 101.2 fever AFTER he took a good dose of Ibuprofen. He can hardly get out of bed but has been really great in trying to help me out with Liliana when he can. This was sweet but may be responsible for Liliana showing signs of sickness. She had a runny nose while in Santa Fe the week before Christmas. We came home and she suffered from a several day 103 fever for the second round in a month which was the result of another ear infection. The doctor said it is most likely the same infection she had over Thanksgiving as it is in the same ear. After a strong dose of antibiotics she seemed great yesterday while Chris was in bed all day. This morning we have a runny nose and fussiness again. Chris is still in bed and I have been fighting something for what seems like months. I have had a horrible cough for over 2 months and have low grade achiness and exhaustion.

I can't help but suspect that my symptoms, other than the cough which is very real, are psychosomatic. I am vacillating between being okay mentally to being in a funk. I need to make some very real changes in my life with regards to my professional situation. It is not doing me any good feeling this way. I am also still feeling a depression over the miscarriage. We are in a place we can start trying again which is thrilling for me but I am really fearful now. Fearful I will miscarry again, fearful I won't conceive at all, fearful the baby will be genetically compromised. I feel very lonely. This weather certainly is not helping my mood either. I really think this all stems from my professional life. The unhappiness oozes into every crevice of my life. I am having insomnia again just thinking about returning to work tomorrow. I need to find my bliss. Can I put that on a resume?

This is my focus for 2010, make changes professionally that will allow me to enjoy the other beautiful aspects of my life.
Stay tuned.