On the 10th day of X-mas Weissbluth gave to me 11 hours of sleep!

Wow- Liliana will be 4 months old on Friday! She has her 4 month check up tomorrow which includes vaccinations- not looking forward to that but am curious to see how much she has grown!

She has been fighting a cold the last couple of days and hasn't quite been "herself" (whatever that means for a 17 week old). She isn't as smiley and vocal as she normally is but is still sweet and not super fussy. She is sleeping great through the night still and we are now starting a nap schedule. I try and get her to nap mid morning, early afternoon and possibly late afternoon if she seems tired. I was concerned how this would affect her night time sleep but, as Dr Weissbluth says, Sleep Begets Sleep...so true- she slept from 8:00pm to 7:30 am last night! Wow- and is currently down for a nap which she did on her own! I plunked her in her crib while I set up my "station" with my boppy, cell phone, coffee, water and laptop. When I went to get her, she was sound asleep at 9:30- perfect!

I took her last week to see Santa and she was great- she loved the mall- I think because the ceiling is so high and there was cool stuff up there for her to look at. She was laughing in line as I held her-it was cracking me up.

She is becoming so interactive-it is great but can also pose issues with feeding. Gone are the days of the sweet, calm nursing moments (well they are fewer and farther between). Now she is so interested in everything and she gets so easily distracted- when Chris walks in the room she whips her head around (ouch is all I can say). She is constantly doing that to look and smile at me, to watch her fingers move, to stare at the folds in my shirt, to stare at the cat etc, etc... I love it but it makes feeding difficult- I am not sure she is eating enough and it is a bit painful too!

I am starting to feel pressure to engage with her more- just not sure if I am doing enough to stimulate that brain of hers! I read to her, give her pictures to look at, tummy time (and back time) on her mat...I don't know why I am concerned that she is bored! Oh, by the way, she is no longer rolling over...I read this is normal but, of course, I am concerned... So, anyway, I am so excited to see all these changes but I just want to make sure I am doing my part to have a happy, fulfilled child without over stimulating- oh the pressure ;) Maybe it is time for me to get back to full time work..



I am waiting for an offer to come through for a new job- I should hear today...Once I do, I will have a better idea about what we can afford for childcare. I have many leads for nannies and a couple in home childcare options. I am anxious to get that put to bed so that I can start my new job without complications. I am very excited for this opportunity!! More details to follow once it is official.

Party Animal

Liliana was the hit of the party last night. She chose to break into full on laughter for the first time in front of an audience! Then she slept from 10pm until noon today (with a brief waking at 5:00am to feed...she rocks!

It's all in the Genes baby!

Okay, I totally stole this idea from a much more clever and funny blog managed by my friend Ashley and her fiance Gabe...
Some people say Liliana is a "spitting image" of me and others say Chris.
Above are baby pictures of me and Chris. Chris is the black and white one in case you couldn't figure it out by the smirk.
There is a poll to the left-
Have fun!

Learning Curve

Alright, the first 2 days at the office went pretty well. Granted I wasn't gone the full day but it is a start. I did forget my pump both days but have learned that the handicapped stall in the restrooms at the mart have an electrical outlet so I guess that is where I will be doin' my biz a couple times a day.
Day one: Plan was for Chris to watch the little one. I woke up at 6:00am to her cries. I nursed her back to sleep and put her back in the crib. It is now almost 7:00am-she nursed a LONG time! So far so good- I was able to pump, shower, dress and ALMOST get out the door. She woke up screaming as I was preparing to leave. Very odd- normally she doesn't do that. It is around 8:30 I think at this point. So I decide to nurse her again before I go- it is approaching 9:00am- good thing I don't punch a clock! Okay, now she is changed, fed and rested so I leave. All is great- chris calls around noon b/c she is being really cute and vocal. She takes 2 bottles while I am gone. I leave for home around 2:30 after Chris calls again because he thinks she is on the verge of a meltdown. By the time I get home after 3:00 they are happily enjoying each others company again. False alarm but I was glad to be home all the same. She was excessively fussy throughout the evening and slept a lot in my arms. I learned that Chris didn't squeeze the air out of the Playtex bottle and that he re-used the same liner after the first one sat out all morning with old milk! Rookie mistake I guess-I let it go but chalked up the fussiness to that. This morning all was fine.

Day 2: We took our neighbor Julia up on her offer to watch Lili. She watched her for about 3.5 hours until Chris got back from his job. They did great together. She took 2 bottles and I came home to feed her mid afternoon. She was sleeping on Chris' shoulder when I got back. We have been playing since then and now she is sleeping again. I am so pleased it worked with Julia b/c it would be great to have her as a consistent caretaker. We need to figure out a schedule so that we aren't winging it day to day. I guess I am just not quite prepared yet to be back at work. I am getting there though!

Speaking of work, I met with the "boys" today and have learned (confirmed) that come Jan 1 I will be on a commission only basis. I will become an equal player in the rep group but am giving up a lot in terms of car allowance, parking paid, entertainment expenses etc. But with great risk comes great reward right? It is scary but is really the only way I will ever get ahead financially. I can also bring on new lines to build my own business- I have high hopes it will all work out. Hopefully with the news of lower interest rates Chris' business will pick up too. Already we see signs- 3 jobs tomorrow and 2 on Monday!
I feel very optimistic and hopeful for the future.

Jetset

It was a successful trip out to santa fe. Traveling with Lili was a piece of cake. We were able to secure a 3rd seat for her car seat on the way there and back though she wasn't in the seat too often. She mostly nursed, slept and looked around curiously. On the way there she cried briefly after an uncomfortable stint on the airplane lavatory changing table.

We ended up staying in Santa Fe 4 days longer than originally anticipated because we wanted to spend more time with friends and family. She met her Uncle Garry , Aunt Brittany , cousins Zoe and Nate, Great Aunt Barbara and Great Grandpa Kaufman. I should have been blogging all along to capture all that happened because as I sit here trying to reflect on the week it is one big blur. I came away from the visit with one main feeling: our baby is awesome! Seriously...hardly fusses, is truly cute and did great in all social situations. She was passed around at parties, had a photo shoot, was oggled over at the retirement home and was the coolest kid the whole time. Which makes it even sadder that I am back at work.
Tomorrow I am leaving the comfort of "working remotely" and venturing into the showroom and making client calls. Considering we still don't have any care options set up, this is tough. Chris will be watching her. I have 2 feedings pumped and Chris asked me tonight "what angle do I feed her at 45?" Oh God what have I done? My bad for ALWAYS nursing her. We are so ill prepared for this.
I imagine there is a better post coming after tomorrow.

Raspberries!

Unfortunately we ran out of battery and didn't capture the real hearty giggles but here is a taste of her first laugh!!

Little Milestones

When I see a little glimmer of advancement I run to the computer to document it. I am so aware of every minute change in her behavior. What I am realizing though is that I am just seeing a glimpse of an even more acutely developed behavior. For example, she is REALLY engaging now with her dangly toys on her play gym. She is batting at them and gets excited when she sees something new. I imagine this is only going to become even more obvious in the weeks to come. It is so exciting but at the same time very sad for me because I am returning to work in a couple of weeks. I don't want to miss ANYTHING. I am so afraid I will miss her sit up for the first time, crawl, speak...I am actually very fortunate that my job does not require me to be away from her 9 hours a day, every day, but I am still already mourning the loss of spending every moment with her. Even as I type this, she is on her play mat and I can't stop looking at her.
She is getting so big too! She is in her 3-6 month clothes now. Not sure her weight but we need to pop over to the doctor next week to get some note for the airline- hopefully a quick weigh in will be done.
She has a pretty obvious case of cradle cap which I am trying to stay on top of but it just keeps re-appearing. It will go away soon I imagine.
Chris and I say every day that we don't want her to change from how she is presently but then she smiles at me so big and bright, and she didn't do it yesterday, and then I realize that all the changes make me love her even more- even when I didn't think that was possible...

Roll Over Liliana

The Laws of Physics

First of all, I want to express how excited, hopeful and relieved we are here in the Kminek household that Obama was overwhelmingly elected president!!
We voted early so election day was very relaxed. The weather here was beautiful- 72 degrees and sunny. We met our new friends Ashley and her baby Ezra for lunch here in Oak Park. We ate lunch in the park and strolled for a little bit. It was a really wonderful afternoon that was capped off with an explosive poo- yes, I mentioned Poo again, did you expect anything less? Just to get it all out, my world now consists of spit up, poo, sticking my nose right up to baby butt to sniff for poo...and I wouldn't trade it for anything!
Okay, back to the explosive poo. It basically determined that it was bath time. Most times I get in the bath with Liliana and she sits in her bath seat. I didn't feel like getting in the bath so I sat on the outside of the tub while bathing her. She LOVES the bath by the way- just like mom! Chris came in the bathroom and decided he wanted to get in the tub with her which I thought was a great idea. What I didn't think about was the effects of a 200+ lb person getting in a full tub of water...yes, the water came up so high and Liliana went under for a millisecond. I was so completely freaked out! She started crying and Chris felt horrible. I was worried she would hate baths from here on out. Chris promptly got out and she stopped crying and went back to enjoying her bath...thankfully! I felt so horrible though. I had my hand on her the whole time but I felt guilty because I am supposed to watch her and keep her safe. She is so helpless and 100% reliant on us and we were so stupid that we put her in a harmful situation. Luckily no harm done though...
On the developmental front, she seems to be reaching mini milestones. She is smiling a lot more and has become aware of her hands. Beth mentioned that it is so funny when it happens. Suddenly her hand goes by her face and her eyes follow it like- "whoa, look at that". She is also grasping more and batting at objects. We have put the toy part on her bouncy seat which lights up and makes noise when she bats at the animals. It teaches her cause and effect. Not sure if she has made that connection yet but when she is in the zone she bats at the animals a lot. We are reading to her more now too. I read the Hungry Caterpillar and How Much Do I Love You. She likes the pictures in Hungry Caterpillar. I also bought a few Baby Faces books and she is enthralled. Her attention span for them is short but those first few baby faces make her smile so much and she is glued to the pictures.
Her sleeping has been really pretty good the last few days. Lots of napping and no problem going down at night. She will sleep 4-5 hours the first stretch before waking up. Then it is 2.5-3 hour stretches after that. What I have realized is what is true today may not be true tomorrow. When I complain about her sleeping then the next few days she is a sleeping rock star. Then I brag about that and she goes to being a sleep deprived zombie for a couple of days. I think the net total though is that we have a really great baby- no major crying issues, no major sleep issues. We are so deeply in love with her-more everyday. I can't wait for her to meet family in 3 weeks!

Road Warrior

Well we successfully made our first car trip to Iowa this last weekend-more about that in a moment.
First things first-she had her 2 month appointment yesterday which was quite traumatic for us. It was the fateful vaccination day. She was double teamed by the nurses-one on each leg in order to give 2 shots at the same time. I was standing next to her with my hand on her but couldn't look. When they were done, I looked at her face and it crumpled, turned bright red and out came a cry that I have never heard before. After the initial cry, her mouth was wide open but she couldn't breath in. The nurse told me to blow on her to get her to breath in- AWFUL I tell you! I asked if I could stay in the exam room to nurse her and they let me. It calmed her down for the time being. We brought her home and she seemed fine-I left her with Chris around 5:30 to go to a kickboxing class. When I returned at 7:30 the downstairs was completely dark. I took in the evidence: the bottle I left was empty, her medicines were side by side on a tray in the den (mylicon and Zantac), there was a broken glass on the kitchen floor. I went upstairs and found Chris and baby in her nursery on the couch. She was peaceful and sleeping on his shoulder but Chris had this battered look about him. Apparently she started crying hysterically as soon as I left and never stopped. We tried to put her down in the crib but she started crying in her sleep. I tried to nurse her but was crying while trying to eat- she has never done that before- nursing has always calmed her down. We eventually got to the point where she was sleeping and only waking every 20 min or so with a cry and then going back to sleep. We called the doctor at 10:00pm and she confirmed it was most likely the shots. She suggested Tylenol so Chris was sent out to a 24 hour Walgreens. It seemed to work! She is fine now but WOW that was awful.
Here are her stats: Weight- 11.4 oz!!!
Length- 22.5 in (I think, I need to confirm)- bottom line- she is thriving!
I brought up my poop concern with the doc and she recently read an article that basically said- TREAT THE INFANT, NOT THE POOP. With that said, she is healthy so I could care less what color her poop is.

Back to the trip to Iowa...She was perfect! She slept most of drive there and back. We only stopped 1 time at the DeKalb Oasis to feed her and change her. She got to meet Gobbie (Chris' grandmother) Frank and Beth (Chris' Brother and sister in Law) and her cousins. She hardly fussed all weekend- a real trooper. It was kind of a pain being out of our routine for me though. Hotel room living, especially a Comfort Inn that has gone downhill, sucks. I didn't want her touching the bedspread or blanket because I am so creeped out by hotel linens- thanks a lot Dateline NBC.
Oskaloosa, IA is, however, the place of the purchase of her first stuffed animal that we have creatively named Lambie (as he is a Lamb). I hope she is as good when we fly to New Mexico next month!

POOP!

Arrrgh- green slimy poo again!
I will ask the doctor on Monday about it.
We are going to Iowa to see Chris' Grandmother and Brother (and family). We leave on Friday morning.
Should be an interesting trek in the car...
Will post after the journey- stay tuned!

Status Quo

Not really much to report because everything is going great.
We are getting out quite a bit to meet other moms/babies for lunches. We also made a 90 minute trek out to a party this last weekend. She was really well behaved and actually was content in her new Weego carrier. She slept the entire party but we did have one issue to contend with... people touching her without asking or washing their hands. Maybe I am being overly protective but I don't want strangers who have been outside all afternoon eating and drinking coming up and touching her head. I appreciate that they think she is beautiful and want to admire her but we ended up in the bathtub at 10:30pm washing cigarette stink off her noggin. How do you politely tell people to keep hands off?

She is also loving her swing finally- she hated it at first but now it is a guaranteed sleep inducer- plus it plays classical music that actually sounds pretty decent...she will be a well rested, cultured baby. She really is starting to notice objects like the bear mobile above the swing. She stared at them until she fell asleep.

The GERD is under control but not totally gone- it is manageable though. Nursing is almost perfect (who woulda thought that was possible).
Poop is great though she grunts like a grown man when she is trying to go!

We are gearing up to travel to Santa Fe next month and to get back to work. I have to say that I am not ready to return to work. That is all I will say at this point b/c I don't want to think too much about it right now but I need to get on the ball and figure out what we are doing for childcare!

This entire experience is so wonderful- I am so IN LOVE with my baby it is truly inexplicable (except to other moms who smell what i'm cookin'!)

Baby Horoscopes: Find out what the stars say about your little one!

Many people believe that the astrological sign your baby is born under can influence her personality, interests, talents, and who she'll best develop relationships with later in life. Here's the inside scoop on what to expect, with a little

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growing...

Quick weight update-
9lbs 8oz
She gained 6 oz from last monday after only gaining 1 oz the week before. I personally suspect the original weigh in of 9.1 was incorrect...
Also, she is losing her soft, silky hair in the front...looks more like her daddy everyday;)

new update: first true smile in response to me- just now!

Hooray

Well it looks like the Zantac is kicking in. She is a lot less miserable than she has been. We both slept until 8:30 this morning! That was after a marathon feeding at about 1:30- Now that I can nurse without so much drama, I have learned to "nap nurse" her lying down. It is great b/c we can both just lie in the dark while she nurses. She ate voraciously for 45 min and then sort of slept and nursed for another 15-20 more. I can't believe how much she slept after that. I actually had to wake her to take her meds and eat again. She needed the sleep because she has not been napping during the day- she is sound asleep on me right now. She is a very attached baby. She does not like to be alone at all-not sure if that is inherant in her personality or a creation of mine.

Poop Scoop: It has been a great seedy yellow but this morning it was a slimy green which indicates a food allergy. I am going to cut out dairy right away just to see if it is a cow's milk allergy. The milk in coffee and cereal can easily be replaced with soy or rice milk- I will miss my cheese though- I eat cheese and crackers daily...

Now that she isn't s fussy, we can do a little tummy time- see video... (amateur at best- taken with my camera as a trial run to see how video looked)

Zantac

Well she has been taking Zantac for 3 days now and I think the medication is finally working! She is pretty much on a daily regimen of Zantac and Milicon right now- thank god for meds! She still is not sleeping much during the day though (and night)- she is so tired but can't let go. I can get her to fall asleep but she easily wakes up and then is fussy- this could all be from the GERD though so we will see...I also have the fear that maybe she isn't getting enough to eat so I feel we are constantly nursing- she only gained 1 oz last week. The doc isn't concerned though but we do have a weigh in next week just to be sure.
She is starting grasp things now- she grabbed my fingers in each fist and wouldn't let go. She also grabs my hair when I am carrying her and won't let go.
I am starting to see the signs of baby acne on her beautiful skin- I know it is totally normal and I promise I won't mess with it but I hate to see her perfect complexion with red marks!
So, all in all it has been a very challenging week but nothing we can't handle!
Pictures to follow soon I promise!

GERD

Well it looks like she has GERD (acid reflux). This is so hard. I can hardly stand to watch her suffer like she is. There is really nothing you can do other than keep her upright and angle her mattress for sleeping. They rarely medicate babies for GERD though Chris seems to want her medicated. He is less patient with her crying. It really is one of the most difficult things to deal with but for me it is because I just can't stand her suffering- it truly is heart breaking.
I understand that she will outgrow it but until then there is little we can do except modifications of feeding and sleeping positions.

Happy 1 Month Birthday!

To celebrate, we have finally pooped- 3 times in the last 3 hours- yeah! By we I mean Liliana- though I share a lot of info on this blog I am not sharing my personal bathroom habits...
Formula sucks- I hate it and it makes her miserable- gas and constipation.
She is back to nursing as I am feeling much better and so is she!

One milestone I noticed is she looks AT me more than beyond me. She still seems more enamored with the corner of a wall or the ceiling fan but at times she will stare at my face-

We will celebrate her 1 month on this earth this evening- pictures to come...

A Particularly Difficult Time

The last couple of days have been tough for me. To preface, imagine all that is going on is while I am topless. This is per doctor's recommendation. I am not healing at all but I have not helped matters any by wearing nursing tanks with gauze and ointment. I have created a warm, dark, moist environment- perfect for cultivating yeast cultures! Too bad I am not an 8th grade science experiment. I am so frustrated with myself b/c I feel I have made null and void the last 2 weeks of twice daily pill popping. So, I sit here for the 2nd day straight trying to air out but I don't think it is working. I am still in so much pain and now there is nothing there to protect me from the pain when I try and hold Liliana close...and boy she has needed to be held A LOT lately.
She is suffering from bad gas and not frequent pooping. She used to poop several times daily and yesterday she went only once. She has yet to go today. I suspect, as I mentioned yesterday, it is from the formula. The pain from the gas is also preventing her from sleeping. I will feed her, she will fall asleep and minutes later she wakes up screaming in pain. She is easily consolable but it cycles like this constantly. I am trying everything to help her pass gas- I finally sent Chris out to get Mylicon which helped her a little (a couple of little toots) but I have yet to see a poop. I am afraid when it finally does come it will be an explosion like yesterday- it was EVERYWHERE!
I am doing all I can to not give her formula which means I am basically tied to the pump. I have also started nursing her on the less damaged side which is working out okay except now I don't know how much she is consuming! I think I got a little spoiled with the bottles b/c I know for certain that she just ate 4oz and that I wasn't denying her. Now, she can be at the breast for 30 min, fall asleep, wake up and show major hunger cues and I don't know what they are all about! Is she really still hungry or just needing to suck? I know I nursed exclusively for 3 weeks and didn't have this concern but now it has entered my world and it is stressing me out.

So here I sit, topless, in the den, which is the only room downstairs with window treatments. This is where I have been for the last 36 hours with the exception of sleep time. I have Liliana on my lap briefly sleeping and I am typing off to the side. My pump is in arms reach to the other side. The cleaning lady just left and I am eyeing a nugget of something on the otherwise clean kitchen floor. I suspect it is a poop- a solid poop left by the cat that hasn't pooped anything solid in the last 3 years. Seriously! My poor little baby is struggling to poop and here goes the cat- leaving a perfectly formed poop in my site line- cruel and, possibly, an example of irony- not quite sure though-that word is never used correctly.
As Liliana stiffens her legs from the pain, she, without fail, kicks me right at her food source- I am in SO MUCH PAIN- I want it to go away NOW.
I must say though that my resolve to breastfeed this child is strong- I am not giving in- I didn't realize how passionate I would feel about this but I am surprising myself!
The other thing that surprises me is my complete lack of frustration with the baby. I feel only empathy for her and I don't feel angry or annoyed-I just want to hold her close and make her feel better- what frustrates me is that I can't do that easily b/c of the pain.
When she is trying particularly hard to poop she looks like a cross between Robert DeNiro and Steven VanZandt's character on the Sopranos.
In any case-this is today-tomorrow will be another experience- all are memorable and all are absolutely worth it.

4 Weeks Old!

I can't believe it has been 4 weeks.
Everything is going so fast.
Liliana weighed in at a healthy 9lbs 1 Oz yesterday! She is doing great on a combination of formula and pumped milk- this is the route I am taking now b/c I am still not healing well.
The green poop I mentioned before was a result of ingesting blood during feedings. This is my own diagnosis. She was spitting up a lot of blood so I stopped nursing. The result was beautiful (if you want to call it that) yellow poop! I am very frustrated with the fact that I am not healing. I am at the point now where I am beginning to accept that fact that I probably won't be able to nurse but now I am worried that I won't get rid of this infection or pain!
I have 2 more months of maternity leave and I am already sad about leaving her when I return to work! I don't know how people do it after 6 weeks- it is simply not enough time.
I am starting to get a little house crazy and am looking to get out of the house more and connect with other people.
Chris and I took Liliana to the Oaktoberfest on Saturday- there were a lot of people there with very young babies. It felt good to be out of the house socializing!
I also have plans on Thursday to meet someone that I met through a friend on facebook. She is also from Santa Fe, lives in Chicago and has a new baby. I am looking forward to chatting with another new mom!
Liliana still continues to have a great demeanor. She is generally easy to sooth when upset. Lately though she has been more fussy. I attribute this to formula. She has a little more tummy issues with the formula but once she gets through that she is completely calm again- you can tell that she just wants to poop! Breastmilk apparently is a natural laxative so she has less issues when nursing or drinking more pumped milk (I can only pump so much though and must supplement with formula).

I have booked our tickets to Santa Fe for Thanksgiving and am looking forward to the trip but am trying to figure out the logistics of the travel. I didn't realize how complicated it was- do we send our extra car seat base to Santa Fe? What do we do with the car seat/carrier- do they check it below the airplane with the stroller? Do I trust that- what if it gets damaged and then is unsafe? Do we have to drive to the airport and park the car? I will figure it all out but if anyone has suggestions I am open to them- I know people travel with infants all the time!

Paranoid first time Mom

Now that the focus has shifted a bit off my own pain and issues, I am transferring concern and worry onto Liliana- why does her poop suddenly resemble pesto and is no longer that perfect yellow color it is supposed to be? Why is she fussier than she was last week? Why did she projectile vomit about 6 oz of milk right into my face while we were lying in bed only inches apart? (think exorcist). I run to the internet, to my "baby bible" or the phone to get answers to these questions. They range anywhere from- totally normal, no need to be concerned or sounds like food allergies to could be cause for concern- call your doctor. So far I am remaining calm and am waiting for our appointment on Monday to confirm all is okay. She doesn't have a fever and seems to be eating plenty. In fact, I suspect the projectile incident was a result from over feeding. I am learning not to mis-read her hunger cues. Sometimes she does the fist in the mouth even after a very long feeding when all she really wants to do is suck on a finger to sooth her. Before, I was either nursing her again or giving her pumped milk from a bottle. The night she went Linda Blair on me she had nursed 2 times for 30 min each AND had 4oz from a bottle b/c she kept acting hungry and was crying A LOT. I think we made matters worse b/c her tummy was probably too full. As we get to know eachother better, I realize that she just needs to be soothed so a finger in her mouth to suck on works wonders!
Hopefully next Monday will reveal that all is okay, green poop is green poop and not a sign of my milk being "imbalanced", that she is gaining weight and is all around healthy as I suspect she is...

So I have heard

Alright, I have been told by more than one person that my blog entries are TMI (for a brother) and kind of a turn off- talk about the baby already!
Point taken- sorry, I guess I didn't realize people were actually reading this so thanks!

Update

The lactation consultant doesn't really know what is going on b/c I am doing everything right yet Liliana is doing something funky with her tongue when latching on- this is new- she hasn't always done this...
On a different note though, I have yeast infection of the breasts! This is what is causing so much pain but I am on a 2 week Diflucan regimen and already feel the difference.

Now about the baby (I feel bad that I want to write about her but it always comes back to my boobies!) She seems amazingly alert and interactive for a 2 week old- she frequently has her eyes open and is taking in whatever it is she can see at this point. We also swear she is smiling and it isn't gas!!
She seems happiest when just in a diaper and I have learned that she LOVES being carried in a sling- I think it mimics the womb very well- now she can nap and I can do laundry at the same time!

She had been sleeping part or all of the nights in bed with us as I was so exhausted by nighttime that after nursing I just plopped her down next to me. She seems to sleep very well nuzzled next to me but I know that so many people think this is a no no and could be harmful etc..It just feels so nice. Anyway, we did put her down in her crib last night and she slept there the whole night.

She is such a sweaky, wonderful little thing- Chris and I say more than once a day how lucky we are...

What a Love!

I am amazed at the love that is developing for little Liliana.
It is just so intense- I can stare at her face forever.
My mom was in town this last week and helped out a lot- I am on my own now but feel I have a pretty good routine down and am finally feeling better (not achy and fluey like before) so I actually have energy and desire to do chores around the house! Now I just have to put the baby down so I can get it done! She just loves to sleep on me though and wakes every time I put her in the bassinet or crib.
I have the lactation consultant coming back today because I am still having trouble with the latching and am re-damaging myself! It is so unbelievably frustrating- I can't figure out what I am doing wrong- I feel like I am doing everything correctly yet it comes out all wrong- I just don't know what to do to fix it- I really hope this follow up visit will help- this situation is tainting what otherwise would be the most blissful experience. Don't get me wrong, it is truly fantastic but getting sweaty palms every time I have to feed her because I am anticipating excruciating pain and knowing I am reversing the healing process truly just sucks.
All that aside, we are so in awe...

More nursing woes-but I am on the mend

I originally was going to post this entry with details about all the trouble I have been having but I am in a much better place right now so in a nutshell: Was in so much pain that I simply couldn't imagine latching on one more time, I tried to pump but yielded hardly any milk. I simply broke down crying in the middle of the night feeling like a horrible mother who wasn't able to provide for her baby the way she wanted to. I reluctantly, very reluctantly, allowed my mom to give her a bottle of formula on Thursday morning just so she had food intake. It was a very rainy day on Thursday and I literally sat all day pumping as much milk as I could so i could keep my supply up and have milk for Liliana. Well, I had a lactation consultant come in yesterday (Friday) and we worked through things. Between fine tuning the actual feedings and getting the name of prescription cream to help me heal, I am on the mend. I feel so much better and the feedings are going great. She gained 6oz from Tuesday to Friday.
Word of advice for any future first time moms. DO NOT leave the hospital without proper instructions from a lactation consultant if you are experiencing ANY PAIN. It is not right and it should not hurt. I feel very frustrated and let down by Prentice Hospital b/c I feel I was given poor guidance and information. I can't tell you how many people I told about the pain and the soreness which turned to bleeding while I was there. They all told me it would heal on its own blah blah blah...
Onto other things, it has been such a whirlwind here. I have lost complete track of time but it is great. Liliana still continues to be unbelievably well behaved and is getting more alert and active by the minute! I have added new pictures to the slideshow of All Things Liliana and will continue to do so until I run out of space so check the Picassa sight periodically if you are interested.
Mom has been a great help and Chris continues to amaze me with what he is doing. He is cooking and cleaning and grocery shopping and just being all around fantastic.

TMI but I must share...

I mentioned before how much I love nursing-I do and I don't want to give it up for anything-Here is an example of how passionate, or crazy, I am. Please share with me if any of you out there have had an experience like this because I am kind of freaked out...
So I have sore nipples. Not just sore, but cracked, bleeding, so incredible painful that it is miserable (I did title this entry as TMI so don' t say I didn't warn you).
Liliana and I are a great team when it comes to nursing. She has a great latch and I am perfecting several holds: the football, the side lying and the cross cradle. It has become quite easy but it hasn't always been that way...The first couple of days were difficult and we didn't have the latch quite right hence, the state my nipples are currently in...( I have decided to not be shy about sharing information like this- it is part of the experience that I want to keep real and true)
So last night right after her bath and minutes before we had my neighbors and my dad's friend over for dinner I went to get Liliana dressed. She was just kickin' it in her crib checking out her surroundings and making cute little noises. She turned her head made a little cough and out came coagulated milk mixed with blood and a bloody piece of tissue. I was totally scared and freaked but realized the ONLY thing it could be was from feeding-yes from my nipple (I have never typed that word so many times before). I called the doctor and she agreed that is probably what it was. She is fine otherwise, eating, pooping, peeing, sleeping, temperature etc...
Seriously! Does this happen? What is strange is my feeling about it- I feel guilty. I feel bad that she had to ingest that and she so innocently coughed it up.
I continue to nurse b/c the pain is only at the beginning and then it feels fine (but it is excruciating at the beginning). I hear that they do heal even with continued nursing so I am keeping my fingers crossed!

We had a nice visit from my dad the last couple of days and are awaiting arrival of my mom tomorrow!
Last night our neighbors came over for dinner and they were a HUGE help in the kitchen- thank you Joe so much for your help. We have fantastic friends and neighbors who are being so kind and giving.

Liliana continues to sleep very well and has allowed me to sleep very well too. She is a fantastic baby so far- not fussy, great eater and sleeper and the cutest baby in the world.
I just need to learn to put her down once in a while...

First Day Home

I left the hospital yesterday and was happy to leave but I have to say that the hospital stay was great- it really helped to get down breastfeeding and have nurses there at the push of a button to answer my questions and calm my fears.
I am still in quite bit of pain from the surgery which I didn't realize until I let my Norco intake lapse! I am still trying to keep activity normal without over-doing it.
It was kind-of hectic coming home b/c the house was a mess- Zeppo had crapped everywhere- even on the walls- it disgusts me so much and all I wanted was to come home to a clean house- oh well- it is clean now...
When we pulled up front, Chris pointed out that the neighbors had created a Welcome Home Liliana sign with sidewalk chalk- it was so sweet- I love it!
I have found there are so many places around the house perfect for nursing- the couch in the nursery and den are so comfortable and with the Boppy I can get easily positioned for a nice, intimate nursing- I love nursing so much except for the fact that I am incredibly sore from mishaps early on while we were both learning what to do. Other than that (which I am hoping gets better soon) nursing is the sweetest experience- I love the looks on her face and the sound she makes.
So I went to bed early last night and I am realizing that I am breaking all the rules I had set in place before actually HAVING a baby. To begin with, I have let her sleep with me every night- even in the hospital we would fall asleep together. I asked Chris to put her in her crib when he came to bed but he said we both looked so peaceful so he ended up leaving her there and sleeping on the couch! In any case, I woke up around 3:00 and nursed her and Chris came to bed- finally put her down IN HER CRIB around 4:00. Next thing I know it was 8:00am and I hadn't heard a peep out of her-of course I completely panicked- I thought I was supposed to be up constantly throughout the night? I was at the hospital but that was b/c nurses were constantly coming in the room.
I flew out of bed only to find her sleeping peacefully- I had to wake her to feed her. So now I am asking myself- do I have a wonderfully easy baby or is something wrong with her?
I imagine this can change too- it was the first night and she is only 5 days old!
She hates her diaper and clothes being changed- really the only time she full out cries is during those times.
I am listening to her on the monitor right now making all sorts of funny noises in her crib- I can't stand how cute she is! Part of me doesn't want this newborn stage to leave- I love everything just as it is.
Right now, with Liliana being 5 days old, I have to say I love being her mom-I love this experience so much- especially when I was able to sing along to James Taylor to her this morning.
I am so happy...

New Mom High

I want to write so many things but whenever I get a moment it is either just that- a moment- or I am too tired to think clearly- the latter is true right now.
I am still in the hospital and will be discharged tomorrow.
I can't describe how incredible I feel. I hear this frequently from other moms but the love that I feel for my baby is just the most immense emotion that I have ever experienced.
This time in the hospital has been great but it has been tough too because of the pain from the surgery. Pain aside, I feel like Liliana and I have been living in our own world where we are getting to know eachother and it has been the most precious time to me. The down side of this time is I feel I have excluded Chris. He has not been part of this time and when he shows up at the hospital I feel like he is intruding on us. I know how selfish and unfair that sounds but it is how I feel. I hope when we get back to our home we will be able to reconnect as a trio. Chris is so unbelievably in love with her and I melt to see it- I know we are each having our own experiences so now we need to have time as a new family.
I also feel blessed to have such great friends and family- all the messages we have received from everyone out there has meant so much to me. Thank you!
I imagine there will be no shortness of pictures posted to the blog in the future.
Please keep tuning in.

Welcome Liliana Genevieve Kminek

She is finally here!
Arrived 8/26/08
2:57pm
8lbs 4oz
21.5 inches

So much to say not much time at the moment!
Here is a slideshow of our beautiful little girl.
She arrived c-section yesterday afternoon at Northwestern Prentice Women's Hospital
More details to follow later I promise...
Enjoy the pictures

3 days past due date- emotions taking over

Went to the English Beat concert yesterday-
I should explain it was in a park with lots of families and I was able to sit most of the time.
It was fun and felt great to get out of the house.
Today is a different story.
I am extremely emotional today and am feeling panicky and scared.
I couldn't find Chris in the bookstore and almost started to cry.
I suppose this is all normal- I just can't wait to meet little one.

No New News

That is all- No progression, no changes- somewhat frustrating but nothing can be done about it.

Today's our due date!

Well I have my 40 week appointment today so I will update later as to where we stand with labor progression (I feel no signs of labor). I am up early again this morning (Chris' snoring) but couldn't fall back asleep because I was suddenly overtaken with thoughts on how I want to raise our baby and if I am crazy...
2 things triggered this: 1) While cleaning out closets yesterday a Schoolhouse Rock song came on my ipod (where it came from I am not sure). This morning I woke up singing "Interjections (Hey!) show excitement (Yow!) or emotion (Ouch!)." (I still can't get the song out of my head).
2) While walking last evening I was shocked and pleased to see a group of small(ish) children playing outside. 2 boys were running around playing with pool noodles as "swords" and two smaller children were pulling some sort of little cars by a cord (very retro). Why was I shocked? I guess I don't see that very often- I do see children riding bikes with their parents or weekend organized team sports at the elementary school (which I have a separate issue with due to the awards of team trophies just for participation- more on that in a separate post if necessary) but I just don't see children playing outside free and unrestrained like that very often. The moms were sitting on the porch with a glass of wine supervising (note to self, I may want to stroll by again and introduce myself).
Okay, so where am I going with all this? Let me re-group. My main goal for my baby is that she is happy (duh right?). I want her to be confident (something I seriously lacked as a child). Okay, we all want our children to be smart, happy, confident, successful etc...
My thoughts have strayed again- I will make this straight and to the point:
I can't stand all the electronics and videos and crap that is out there now. I am totally old school and love wooden blocks and chutes and ladders and playing outside and interacting with nature... Seriously, one magazine actually suggested that children can get a fair amount of exercise through video games and even better with the Wii Fit. Sickening!
Maybe I am feeling sentimental for the 70's, and maybe I can't shield my child from the progress of technology but will I harm her by encouraging her to read instead of watch endless videos? Will she be considered the group geek if we don't allow her to have a PS3? (is that latest I don't even know). Is this all useless worry? I assume it is...
What an unfocused go nowhere rant- I am tempted to delete this post entirely but I am not going to- I will re-visit this topic when I actually have the baby and am battling with plopping her in front of the TV to watch Baby Einstein so I can clean the kitchen or to take time to read her a chapter from Charlotte's Web or Pat the Bunny.
Good Grief...

Just to brag

Short, quick note about my wonderful husband...
As much as he can drive me crazy at times- especially with hormones ramped up- I just want to share how incredible he is.
We were out walking downtown Oak Park today and I was in my clueless state of mind as usual. I was about to cross the street and was saying something to Chris and he didn't answer. I looked next to me and he wasn't there. He had walked over to the other corner to ask an elderly lady if she needed help crossing the street- I know, maybe it is cliche boyscout stuff but the lady did in fact need help. She walked very slowly and lacked the confidence to cross and had apparently been on the corner for a bit. He ended up walking her across the next corner to her lunch spot.
I just about started crying when I witnessed this. This is just who he is- he is a truly wonderful person and I LOVE that he is the father of my baby...even if he does rhyme every line of a song with "smell my feet"...

Going stir crazy

Okay, now I get why people say the last week is the hardest. I don't necessarily feel any more uncomfortable or different, I am just so ready to have this baby! I think taking this week off is making it more difficult too b/c I have time on my hands to just anticipate. Was it a mistake? Should I have kept working right up until the very end? I think in retrospect I will appreciate this time.
Chris said "we gotta get this baby out of you!" Yes, Chris, we do!
Then there is the concern that creeps in too. It was hard enough being paranoid throughout the pregnancy- reading too many articles about what can go wrong. I had finally gotten to a place where I was far enough along that I just sat back, relaxed and enjoyed ever little kick, roll and hiccup. Now that it is so tight in there she isn't moving like she was last week and now I have ventured into that world of worry again. It doesn't matter that "they" say this is normal, I just can't help but wonder if something is wrong.
I feel a bit lonely too b/c most of the people who were pregnant "with" me have all had their babies- some were due AFTER me.
I will say it one (or 5) more times- I am ready. I am READY to have my baby! I want to meet her and start my crazy, exhausting life with my new family.

39 Weeks Today!

It is amazing that I am at 39 weeks. I always looked so forward to the weekends since we found out we were pregnant b/c I would devour every pregnancy book I had. I would curl up on the couch with my coffee (no, I did not give up coffee) and read the next chapter in my week by week pregnancy guides. Early on it was so fascinating b/c there were many rapid changes happening every week to the baby and to my body. I have weaned myself from the books and am now just anxious to meet baby.
I had my 39 week appointment today and have not dropped or dilated at all. I know this is fine and normal, especially for a breech b/c a tush on the cervix doesn't help to promote labor like a head can. I just am ready to experience some changes and progression even though we are scheduled for the delivery. I am being greedy, or crazy depending on who you ask!
I officially start maternity leave after today's workday. Though I intend on getting a lot done around the house, part of me feels I should be working right up until the delivery. At the same time, I really need the time to do final prep, rest my body and be prepared in the doubtful event I do go into labor.
Chris has been really cute lately- he is excited and I know he is going to be just fantastic with her. I couldn't have picked a better baby daddy!
I am not saying this for his benefit either b/c I seriously doubt he is reading this blog!

Nursery is finally done...almost. With 8 days until due date

Well another thing crossed off the list. Chris finally got his closet completed which thrills me to no end since it allowed us to finish the nursery- sad thing is, I think the closet is the nicest room in the house now! Second nicest is the nursery! See link to view pictures of the nursery
http://picasaweb.google.com/Leighkminek/NewAlbum81408339PM

On another note, I am starting to panic a bit. Usually first thing in the morning when I have just woken up. I think I am having really funky dreams but I wake up feeling really out of place like the life that is happening to me isn't mine. Like I am supposed to just be living a very simple, uncomplicated existence that certainly does not involve the raising of a child. It is a very surreal feeling that I can shake pretty quickly but it does have an impact on me.

Scary moment- 11 days until due date

Scary moment today when I fell while walking downtown. I have felt pretty in control of my body and my balance throughout the pregnancy but today I realized how my center of gravity has shifted. I twisted my ankle in a small hole in the sidewalk and just went down. It all happened so fast- I had my business case over one shoulder and was carrying my laptop bag in the other hand. Baby is fine- a call to the doctor reassured me that she is okay. I have some scrapes on my feet and knee but am fine too.
What I find amazing is how my first second and third thoughts all go to the baby. I didn't even notice my scrapes or anything until my friend pointed it out.
You know, much of the reason we waited so long to decide to have a baby is we thought we were just too selfish to be able to adequately care for another human life. It is like this other part of you takes over and all you want to do is protect this being that you haven't even met yet!
I know, all your parents out there are saying- "you haven't experienced nothin' yet!" I can only imagine what it will be like when we see, touch, feel and smell this little life.

Something else that I find amazing is how differently people treat you. I actually had strangers stop, help me up, ask if they could call me a cab. Beyond that, people are just more friendly. Elevators are held open, strangers tell you how cute you look in your new maternity dress. In general, I find people to be very cold, impersonal and sometimes downright rude. I have seen a completely different side of people since I have been showing my "bump". This comment may be an overstatement or a cliche but, in a way, it has restored my faith in humanity!
Of course that will probably go out the window when I start getting dirty looks from people when my child starts crying in the grocery store. I am, at the end of the day, still a cynic- sorry!

Why a C-section? (13 days til due date)

Several people have asked me why I don't attempt to have the baby turned (know as an external cephalic version) or try acupuncture and/or holistic remedies to coax her to turn. All options have been considered and here is what Chris and I have decided. (FYI, docs in the US generally are not trained to deliver breech babies except via CS)
The ECV option was pretty much 86'd immediately. I have low amniotic fluid levels and an extra placental lobe attached anteriorly. The low levels will most likely prevent her from flipping on her own and also make it difficult for the docs to do it manually. The extra lobe can cause a huge problem if it were to detach during the procedure- end result- emergency c-section. Besides, if anyone has seen this procedure done it DOES NOT look pleasant!
I have considered acupuncture but we both feel that peanut is in this position for a reason (could be shape of my uterus/pelvis, extra lobe etc...) There is nothing to guarantee she won't flip back. In the meantime, we have tried the pelvic tilt, frozen peas on her head and acupressure on my little toes!
So as much as it disappoints both of us, we have completely accepted the scheduled c-section. Besides, as soon as we see her I don't think we will care one way or the other how she entered the world.

Oh, another thing I want to document was an small bump in the road with my nose that I experienced a couple of weeks ago. I developed what is called a pyogenic granuloma-aka pregnancy tumor- inside my nose. I guess about 5% of pregnant women will develop this. I was experiencing horrible nose bleeds that became increasingly worse and more frequent. After a 5 hour visit to the ER (poor Chris!) they found the growth and diagnosed it. Thanks to my dad's good friend who is an ENT in the burbs, I was able to have it removed the following Thursday. I was extremely nervous about the procedure b/c I wasn't sure how the baby would respond to the anesthesia I was given for the surgery. She did great and so did I. It turns out the growth was the size of a quarter! I feel 100 times better since it was removed and didn't realize how awful I was feeling until it was gone.
So, as I sit here right now watching the cubs game (I have ordered my cubs pink onesie and can't wait to cheer them on with little one) I am still feeling great. No signs of early labor or any discomfort. Thanks for reading!

Still 38 weeks pregnant but with new news

Well she is still breech so we have our date scheduled for August &$- ah, I am not telling! THIS is the only way I can feign spontaneity! Besides, technically labor can still start on its own at any time and that date will go out the window.
Stay tuned

38 weeks pregnant

This is the first post and I am tempted to try and recapture all thoughts and feelings since the day we discovered we were pregnant in December of 2007! However, that would be a mess so the only thing I want to say is that I have had a fantastic pregnancy. I have loved the experience completely. We are so excited to finally meet this little peanut but, I must say, I am going to miss having her in my belly! I wonder of that is where the baby blues come from- actually missing being pregnant?
Tomorrow is my 38 week check-up and we will find out if she is still breech. It looks like a scheduled C-Section is in the future. I am disappointed b/c I have these romantic ideals about going into labor and Chris rushing us to the hospital! The thought of scheduling the birth bothers me. Everything in my life is scheduled- I LIVE and BREATH by my calendar- the spontaneity of labor is something I looked forward to!
Well, tomorrow we will know more...