A Mother Looks at Forty

Less than a week until my 40th birthday. I found my first gray hair last week, and then 2 more this morning. I suspect they have been there all along but due to household budget cuts I have not colored my hair in over a year so they are now clearly visible.
I remember approaching 30 and felt that I had to have a real freak out about it. I bought several books containing advice and funny anecdotes to help ease into my 4th decade. I even jumped out of an airplane to celebrate the momentous event. In reality, I didn't truly feel very affected by it. It was just another number to me but I was trying to make it a bigger deal because it seemed everyone did- Saturn returning and all that jazz. Okay, so here I am facing 40 and again I am not really experiencing the freak out. Besides, 40 is the new 30 ( or so I have heard more times than I can keep track). Except this time, it seems the significance of 40 could possibly have a more meaningful impact on my life. We are trying to have another baby (no need to keep it a secret). With Liliana, one try and boom, done. Granted we haven't been trying for #2 long but it didn't happen right away. I am not concerned or saddened but my mind does start to go to the place of internet headlines and stories of old eggs and downs syndrome etc... I have become somewhat superstitious too. Not sure if superstitious is exactly the word but having this desire to recreate my life of Fall 2007. How much coffee was I drinking then? Was wine a daily drink or weekly? I was in the best shape of my life, do I have time to go to kickboxing 3 days a week for 6 months to get that body back? Of course my life is totally different now and I could never recreate 2007 Leigh so why do I think conception will not happen for 2009 Leigh? Do my eggs know that 40 is the new 30?
Life is beautiful anyway- looking forward to the party next week and celebrating with family and friends. Hope my 40 year old mother of a 1 year old body can stay up past 10:00pm.
Stay tuned for post- party details and pictures.