Memento

What is your first memory? How old were you? Do we only remember back to a certain time b/c of synaptic and myelin sheath development or is there also an unconscious blocking of certain memories? My recollection of first memories changes as I get older and interact with Liliana. For the longest time, probably since I was 6 or 7 I would brag that I could remember an event around the age of 2. I remember a gumball machine next to the front door of some shop in Oak Park, IL where we lived until the summer of my 4th birthday. I also have vague memories of finding a dollar under a grate in the street and a much more vivid memory of the green plastic hockey stick my oldest brother Doug bought me for what I believe was my 3rd birthday. I also had yellow plastic rollerskates that strapped over my shoes. My brothers would skate and play hockey in the basement of our 1890's Victorian home. They also painted martians on the wall which is an image that sticks in my mind. I had the pleasure recently of visiting that home again since I have returned to Oak Park to live. The current owners have been more than kind to open the doors to me and my family to tour their house. In the basement, the martians are still there though I had to set Kelli, the current owner, straight about the artist. The former owners, the Wagners (who we sold the house to in 1973) told Kelli that THEIR kids painted the martians on the wall. I don't think she believed me that Doug was the artist but I know the truth as I REMEMBER them very clearly (as do the rest of my family). Unless I am a psychic of some sort, those martians existed PRE WAGNER. So these are a handful of memories that occurred before my fourth birthday. There are a couple of other memories that I can't put a date on. One is my mom telling me to have "sweet dreams" before putting me to bed. I then understood that a dream was a puffy figure resembling the Hydrox guy but without limbs. The dream would emerge from between the wall and my crib at night while I slept. I remember staring at the wall until the mattress striping wallpaper would start to move and appear 3D. I also remember having complete fit and meltdown on my changing table. I think my babysitter Cate was changing me. This latest memory came to me recently as Liliana has been having meltdowns on the changing table. So this led me to wonder if she will remember any of this year ahead of her. The way she process things and plays with her toys is so intentional and purposeful that I am constantly wondering if she will remember any of it. Will she remember how the neighbors Karishma and Anjelie play with her on the blanket in front of our house? Will she remember the menagerie of cats cycling through our house? For me, the majority of my memories from childhood are spotty at best and that makes me sad. Life was chaotic and stressful for much of my growing up. I don't blame or fault anyone for this (anymore), it is just the way it was but I want Liliana to have a more stable, happy home life. Maybe this will help her remember all the fun we are having and will have for years to come.