I really don't feel like writing right now but I also don't want to go to sleep. I have an early work day tomorrow and am feeling so scatter brained and sort of like an outside observer to my own life. Have you ever felt that way? I am not my together, organized self. Things still need to get done and responsibilities are still there both with work and home but I am just going through motions and not putting any thought or care into it and it is freaking me out. I am unprepared for work stuff, I am unprepared for Liliana's care. I am winging it. I think what it is is depression. I am depressed. I just want to put life on hold for a couple of days so that I can catch up. I cried hard a lot of the morning today. I am exhausted from it.
I wanted to write about what a complete ass the doctor was to me this morning but now I don't even think I want to rehash it. One thing to point out though is I asked him if my sub-chorionic hemorrhage could have caused the miscarriage and he said "maybe". That was it, no elaboration or explanation. I didn't press it. I figured I would ask my doctor when I speak to her. I don't know when that will be though. I left a message and hope to hear from her tomorrow.
I feel like I used to when I would drink a lot on a Sunday- late into the evening and then have to go to work the next day. It would mess my whole week up because I am the type of person that needs life neat and orderly when I have other responsibilities to tend to. Help, I need to get control of my life.
2 comments:
:(
Leigh, with what you have been through, be patient with yourself. Doubt anyone will be their best going through what you went through.
It is so natural I am sure, so try and not to be too hard on yourself. There will be brighter days. :)
I'm so so sorry to hear you're going through this AGAIN. In a series of things that aren't fair, this just takes the cake.
Words can't express how awful I feel for what you're going through.
I'm sure you're already aware of how likely it is that you probably are depressed and I hope you're able to talk to someone about it. I don't imagine that the grieving process gets any easier the third time.
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