A memory popped into my head the other day- more of a remembered feeling that I had on the way to the hospital the morning of August 26th. I was actually feeling GUILTY about removing Liliana from the security of the womb. I kept thinking, she isn't ready to come out yet- how unfair to cut me open and PULL her out! It is not that I am the type of person that thinks this is a cold, cruel world or anything- it just was a feeling I had. Now, as I see her experiencing the world aroun
d her, finding fascination in every little detail of a piece of fabric, I feel so amazing. She is a part of me, a part of Chris, but is Liliana. A tiny little person learning so much- one day she will be walking, going to school, going to work- kind of freaks me out b/c she is so little and, well, she is just a precious baby!Work has been going well- the nanny situation is working out great too but we can barely afford it- not even sure if we can at all but we are making it work for now! Two things are a bit of a challenge for me since returning to work: The first involves pumping and trying to get enough milk for her to feed the following day. I won't go into detail but it is a challenge for me! The second is my insecurity about Liliana forgetting me when I am away. When I come home she wants to be held by me but is very serious. I guess I just expect her to smile and laugh when I walk in the door. I am also realizing that she seems to be a more serious, introspective little person. She certainly has her moments of smiling and laughing but often she is just absorbing the world around her with this thoughtful look. So, I am trying to get o
ver that feeling and it goes away quickly once the weekend comes.A couple of changes to note- she has found her feet! Also, she has taken a serious interest in reading- I mean it. When I read to her (part of our bedtime ritual) she looks at the pictures and then looks at my face intently- she really seems to enjoy it- I love it! Still not rolling over but I am not worried. She is going to be 5 months old on Monday. One more month and we will start rice cereal! My gosh she is just growing and changing so much. It is thrilling but also sad. I look at the picture on the top of the blog and see that sweet newborn face and I melt. I miss that but I love everyday and every change.
1 comment:
What a beautifully written post, Leigh! I know what you mean about looking in amazement at her and thinking about her being a part of you, but also her own self... and imagining her growing up into even more of her own person. It's amazing and bizarre and wonderful!
Don't worry that she'll forget you. There's not a chance! You are her world.
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