The Stress and the Joy

I vowed I wasn't going to write about work anymore. It is dangerous territory in the blogosphere (see Jen Lancaster and Heather Armstrong). Perhaps these are poor examples because both of them have been catapulted into celebrity and a higher tax bracket as a result of their blogging. Not to mention I lack their gift of wit and talent. In any case, I feel like an elephant has been sitting on my chest the last couple of weeks. Quickly, to recap and not to enter a huge gripe fest, these are the main details. 1) received a letter from manager saying that I have to book a couple of projects in order to retain my position with my company. No quantifiable goals provided or offer of assistance for me to achieve this nebulous goal. So, I have booked a couple of projects. As a result, I sent an e-mail which leads to #2. 2) Sent e-mail to manager pointing out my booked projects and would like to sit down with him next time he is in town or even speak over the phone to get a temperature check of my situation with the chicago team. Crickets, nothing, no response. 3)Received an e-mail as part of a large group distribution about 2010 planning meetings. The Chicago team meeting is set for a date when I will be in Santa Fe. I replied and pointed this out to my manager and he said he was aware but couldn't reschedule. That we could catch up at a different time. Hmmm, not necessary for me to be at the 2010 planning meeting. For fuck sake stop stringing me along!! Don't get me wrong, I am grateful to be employed but this unknown about my future employment is so stressful! Not to mention, the strategy and unprofessionalism is highly demotivating.
We had to let our nanny go because we are 99% sure I will be getting the ax. She is working up until I leave for New Mexico. The holidays follow that trip so the timing worked out. If I am off the mark, or am right and find another job, we will put Liliana in daycare which she will enjoy.
She loves other children and will benefit from the stimulation and interaction. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason so this is leading us somewhere, it is just hard to go through the muck until you come out on the other side. What is so amazing though is how sitting on the floor with Liliana while we play with her Fisher Price Little People brings peace and calm. It is true that the joy of a child trumps everything.