Social Moron

I think for the first time in almost 2 years I am starting to have a real urge for adult only time. I can't believe it actually took this long. Maybe it is the holiday weekend, or maybe it is that Liliana is at the age where I can't leave her sleeping in a car carrier or wear her while at a party and I also can't leave her to play on her own or run around solo because she is too young to fully understand the safe dos and don'ts. We had so many fun plans on the books for this weekend and nothing has quite turned out as planned. A city visit to Tammy and Andrew's had to be chucked due to sickness and a BBQ next door was cut very short to put Liliana to bed. Even while I was physically present I was only about 10% there mentally. This leads me to another side effect of parenting that I thought would have gotten better by now. I have no attention span. I can sit having a conversation with someone and my mind wanders. I honestly have no idea what the person I was just speaking with has said. I consciously make an effort to pay attention but then my thoughts go to the issue of my attention span and from there it branches off into several directions. I am not sure if this is a common ailment of parents with toddlers or if there is something wrong with me. I fear people think I am a social moron.
It makes me not want to go out anymore. I am much happier at home reading a book or watching a movie. I want to be more outgoing as a family and expose Liliana to fun stuff but it needs to be totally kid focused. I can't try and be the parent who goes to an adult function with my kid and try and have a good time- even if she is welcome and invited I have decided it is just not worth it. It is not enjoyable for me. I know people would suggest a date night or adult only night for Chris and I to get out but quite honestly we can't afford that right now. It is expensive even to go out and get a drink because a babysitter is required. So I will just suck it up for now and accept that my brain is mush and I am boring. At least Liliana finds me entertaining so that keeps me going.